WHEN LOVE GOES WALKING...

WHEN LOVE GOES WALKING... SPEECHLESS! ...but not without words. Heroes among heroes, requiring no reward. Still watching videos of stranded vehicles on day 3, standing in awe of the many answers to the pleas of others who opened their homes, strangers no more... walking to come face to face with new friends. Families making ministries out of their mini-mes to give them a taste of the more avaiiable in life. Lessons that can only be lived out, and love reflected. SPEECHLESS! ...but not without words. Heroes among heroes requiring no reward. Watching my church Revolution Church step up and step in on Union Hill Trail in Canton rescuing the stranded and welcoming new members later featured on the news while I was away blooming where I was planted. SPEECHLESS! ...but not without words. Heroes among heroes, requiring no reward. After 31 hours as ONE of many teachers who chose to stay (CHOOSING defined as unable to leave in my car but with the option of staying with a friend at an apartment across the street) and watch over the little ones K-5 at Dunleith Elementary School, it really was like something out of a movie. SPEECHLESS! ...but not without words. Heroes among heroes, requiring no reward. Being a part of something greater than myself and serving alongside a staff of caring and committed individuals who slept without their husbands and children and embraced the call without giving it a second thought. My Assistant Principal Sharon Burger should be commended for never abandoning us. We know HUGE mistakes should be addressed, but once that bed was made and the trenches were dug she never left our side. I teach second grade and found myself working side by side with 3 other teachers making over 200 grilled cheese (gov food) sandwiches and (DANCING), carrying mats for kids to sleep on and with kids sleeping on them (LAUGHING). We opened boxes without counting inventory, and walked the kitchen salvaging through things without giving thought to sanitation with (SERVING) the kids our focus. (RUNNING) I was one among three who took the names of children and reunited them with parents after we went searching for each face...from over 700 to our slumber party guests of almost 20 after 2am. Paper plates for all occasions, and napkins of all colors...we served. We didn't have heat until 3:30am, but a few space heaters for the kids to snuggle up to. Our (HERO) Sharon Burger figured out a way to get our heat to work for one hour at a time after that. I did not get any sleep, but was there for the kids who needed to go to the bathroom sleepwalking, who just needed reassurance that mommy was coming back, and we covered them with our own coats, clothes, and disposable table cloths. Parents walked as far as Barrett Parkway to get their kids, one kid being picked up at 2am. I helped a Good Samaritan load one of our fragile children, his wheel chair, sister, and mom into his vehicle. People gave away scarves to the kids who had to walk to their stranded car not knowing when home would be reached or if the car would even make it. Our music teacher ad libbed a lullaby, our AP raided freezers, our MOID teacher and EIP teacher reassured EVERY teacher on day two that we would get home without use of our cars no matter how far the drive. This being my first year at Dunleith and 10th year as a teacher, I lived in the trenches with coworkers from every grade going beyond the call of duty and I am blessed to have chosen my school over the warmth of a nearby apartment. If I were to give a title to the past 3 days it would be WHEN LOVE GOES WALKING. Why? Because (and I would tell my kids not to start with because) many can talk about love but few take it for a walk. Few actually dig into 1 John 4 and play out the essence of love, taking the rawest form defined by ONE. People all over GA have endured their loves in all sizes out walking away from their cars into the uncertainty of the night. People all over GA have walked from the certainty of their walls to the stranded on the interstates to deliver on a promise made to God. People in GA schools went walking to reunite parents with students and exhausted all options, believing that giving up was never an option. If you want to live like Jesus you have to walk like Jesus. WHEN LOVE GOES WALKING.

"CLOTHE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF"....Bumper Stickers that WALK

Does your bumper sticker WALK? Can I get a witness? Are you walking out the words you drive? Bumper stickers are written for an audience, and oh that some would be reminded that the world IS watching. YOU know exactly what I mean. Sometimes that audience is of ONE on an early morning drive, or to the lucky guy or girl who is stuck in its presence in the middle of rush hour. Other times, it can be viewed by a multitude in a day's work. When you leave your house as early as I do, you are quite aware that bumper stickers TALK...but the question remains, "Does your bumper sticker WALK?" CLOTHE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF..."I hear you LORD!" I drive a blue R with an open invitation, and as an advocate for Compassion International, I drive another that reads, "Sponsor a Child." Revolution Church is a part of me, just as much as the kids I sponsor living oceans away. That R leaves me open to criticism, accountability, persecution, truth in love etc...and I welcome it FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE ME. It carries with it stories of restoration, many harvests, difficult seasons of planting with little growth visible to the eye, waiting rooms, answered prayers, mission work that can only be described as both wonderful and disturbing, community groups, outreach opportunities, acts of faith, making memories one cup at a time, standing in awe, serving as a spiritual mother to little loves, investing in women of all ages, and serving a Numbers Don't Add Up God. We don't pray small prayers and we make big asks of ourselves and of YOU when you sign on to be a part of what God is doing at Revolution. As for Compassion, I choose to be a voice for the littlest and the least...for theirs is the Kingdom. If you don't see it in my WALK, in how I love, and what I choose to speak about or speak up for... I'm already dead to you. There's no life in me if my light doesn't go for a WALK. "Send Me!" Isaiah 6:8 I've recently committed to walking 7 times daily around the back part of my community no matter morning, day, or night. In sunshine, rain...and dare I say snow? It's biblical, it saves money, reserves space in my gym for others, and it's like a second wind in my day. Right now my heart REQUIRES this walk. No details necessary, but I don't want to come home at night and I've contemplated moving, tearing up before I even arrive...but the Spirit says "Trust Me" when I even speak those words, never allowing me to finish the sentence... so I know in due time He will restore what is broken. Just a REALLY hard storm...and it's still raining. Don't ask me why. I truly don't know why. I'm also preparing to sign one last teaching contract and head off on mission with the World Race..11 different countries, on new soils for 11 months. I pray about dating and adoption, my sister's future in Georgia, the needs of my friends and their families etc. My word to you should carry weight when I tell you I will pray. I'm not gonna lie, when I tell you just how much prayer warriors often stand out, but personally, I prefer my IN to stand OUT. For me it is the IN that stands out in every relationship. Laugh if you want, but Christian's can appear Schizophrenic (hello just read one of my journals...nuff said), at times emotional, not as fools because a fool is God-less, but let's just say it can be like someone turned on a light and those who don't have the eyes to recognize it as such are in the background clapping. Listen carefully and you will hear them. No, not as an act of applause, but like the Clapper I had in college. Yes, I Brooke Renee Leffelman had colorful florescent lights on/above my futon...that would obey my every clap. My roommates can attest to this sad yet comical truth. Christians can be seen with hands raised in surrender, palms open in, "Bless me, fill me, empty me" position, prostrate in front of an altar, or even a rug in their own one bedroom apartment. Their love isn't supposed to make sense TO the world...but it should be active nonetheless. So what does that look like to you? CLOTHE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF...a bumper sticker that TALKED to me on my walk tonight. Are you WALKING this message? An added blessing, if I'm not mistaken as to it's owner. I believe it belongs to my best friend's husband. ...and if so, I am a witness to his walk, a proud friend seeing him use his gifts to glorify his portion. CYNY is an amazing organization that donates clothing to those in need with every purchase, much like Toms. Just a bunch of words huddled together, that lie dormant on paper, but bring life to many when you take them for a WALK. James Barnett reminds us that, "Neighbors can be further than just next door." ...and I couldn't agree more. Never met a stranger! Why THAT bumper sticker? I mean really, an entire blog post out of THAT? Yup! CLOTHE...ready for the definition? It's a difficult concept, and I'm not sure it is clear enough...but here it goes! 1. to dress; attire. 2. to provide with clothing. 3. to cover with or as with clothing. I know what this looks like in MY life...but what about yours? It is clothed differently with every new season, and often redefined. Tonight as I drove into my community I was sorely disappointed to find that ALL garage parking was taken, so I parked on the street. After my walk I noticed spots had opened up, but finding the appointment in the disappointment I was reminded that in choosing not to move my car, another neighbor could or would park there instead. Who knows? Maybe even my best friend would find her way to a cozy morning without iced over windows. Part of me hopes God doesn't ask this of me every day as it is getting stinkin cold out there...but blessed I will obey. Apparently Georgia doesn't need De-icer and windshield scrapers because it took me not one but four shopping trips to find them. Not even every Walmart carried them. I'm sorry, but below 30 still results in frozen no matter where you are on the map. So...I chose to clothe and face the cold. Venting...and done! It is my BOTTOM love language and yet I am gifted in clothing my neighbor in the tangible. Sometimes a love not understood. I love to bless others with the happenings from my kitchen, and because my TOP love language is quality time that will sometimes show up in the absence of a friend, resulting in an "I thought of you" gift just because. While most would wait for a milestone moment or holiday to bless, I celebrate those in my life year-round and love ON PURPOSE, with the realization that tomorrow isn't promised..at times a love misunderstood. But in this season of my life, God asks that I not clothe my neighbor in the tangible but in what doesn't carry an expiration date....trusting Him with that as my only sword against the one after my heart. Prayer WALKS. So I WALK and clothe. ...still blessing a few with something from the kitchen from time to time. In the Bible when it came to clothing, the BEST was always given away. What if you chose to do the same? What if instead of donating the tattered and torn, you chose the tagged and adored? In Matthew 6:26 we are reminded that the birds don't worry about how they will be clothed. You can clothe your neighbor by listening beneath the "Fine" from the lips of a coworker or friend, respecting boundaries in distance and praying for restoration, giving what you have, sharing what you've lived and learned, singing for your portion, capturing special moments on camera by playing a behind the scenes role in another's story, and even writing a blog to speak truth. The TRUTH is that I have failed and will fail again to WALK the bumper sticker of CLOTHE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. ...and you have too. BUT God... Why, "But God?" I was clothed with the blood of Jesus and made clean. There is no greater clothing. So every attempt outside of that... incomparable. A love so untouchable that I will miss the mark even at reflecting His love. I could walk my neighbor's dog, bring them dinner every Wednesday, watch their kids for date night every Friday...and still my clothing would be found as filthy rags. So with eyes wide and heart open, I listen to how I can best clothe my neighbor. Are you? Sometimes clothing your neighbor is MORE OF YOU just being there, and at others it can be found in honoring space and their desire for LESS OF YOU. Not easy to live but worth it. I miss her more than I have words for and I'm praying for a Christmas Miracle having God restore us. Praying she finds me worth it and praying I hear from her before Christmas...but I will pray no less after. Nobody wants to hear the unspoken, "I want less of you in my life" from someone they love, but if a season of less of me is needed for God to do MORE of a work in their life having them turn inward...then blessed I will obey. I am FOR growth no matter the cost to myself. I'm right here and I don't walk out when it starts to rain. True friends ride out the storms never losing sight of what matters most. "The Struggle IS Part Of The Story." LOVE listens...and always extends grace,believing in growth and restoration. I do. Those who WANT to be a part of what God is doing in you, who WANT you to be a part of their story, milestones and memory making, getting in their pictures, praying through their storms, and glorifying God in friendship...always will be, whether returning from a season away, regaining their trust, or sticking it out when it starts to rain. If you hear nothing, hear this. At 31 I can say that with full confidence enveloped by those who do. You needn't pray for the WANT to be born...it just is. Those who are ALREADY clothed can WALK this bumper sticker...stumble of course, but get up again and again. Clothed in His BEST, suited up with the armor of Ephesians 6...I clothe. Allow Hebrews 4:12 to be your reminder that you are already EXPOSED...so take this bumper sticker for a WALK and clothe. Are you afraid of how it might speak to you? Of being ill-equipped? LOVE ANYWAY! And Proverbs 27:2 your clothing... writing it in a journal instead, revisiting it as a witness to God's story in YOU. THAT is who you are...A WITNESS. Own it! CLOTHE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF..."I hear you LORD!"

TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED...May I have this dance? Another chance, perhaps?

Sweaty palms and anxious hearts, for $5,000,000 I ask you, "What is the day following today?" Some of you rapidly respond without hesitation in full confidence, "Monday!" The overachievers are doing their calculations and have arrived presenting their findings with, "December 9th." Still others, have begun to 'google it' (as that is now a commonly accepted verb) and would like to phone a friend just to be sure. Allow me to jog your memory a bit. "The sun will come up _____." If you could call up Annie she'd tell you that the day following today is TOMORROW. Why the lesson? Well, when that plane lands in your life, you too will realize that tomorrow isn't promised. My advice, live out this truth so that your joy may be complete and you will not be found lacking. Live it out in your family, with your friends, your husband, kids, co-workers, people you meet on the street etc. Live it or choose to survive it...when it hits you square in the face. It truly is a choice someone in the world is making with every breath. I pray that when I exhale it is with greater wisdom than the last time I successfully performed that task. An occurrence so natural that it is overlooked with gratitude at INHALE squandered elsewhere....until you learn what wheezing is, emphysema, intubation etc. As I write, a friend of mine has a sister learning this lesson the hard way. And with my every breath I am praying that she gets the chance to live this lesson out loud one day breathing on her own, but never again unaware of the Author and Perfecter of her faith. Praying sweet sister, praying still. TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. A few months back I attended a family wedding. I was told that everyone was going to be there and it was important not only to celebrate my cousin, but also because it was uncertain how much longer my grandpa would be around. When it comes to grandparents I honestly got the shaft when I try to recall memories of them and with them. My grandma was my best friend and we called each other, "Dolly." Her husband was selectively interested in me. On the other side, my grandma always seemed angry about something, and her husband giving "the look" but laughing often...bringing a sense of balance to the home. Always closer to him than her, but wondering why I still felt something missing. I NEVER felt known. I loved/love all four. The only person who ever knew me was my my Mom's mom. Simply Tom's daughter to the others. Some would say there were just too many grandkids, but I think what my pastor says applies, "Your past does not excuse you but it explains you." Numbers are not an excuse for not investing well, but an explanation. In fact, it is numbers in the form of money that can divide a family effortlessly. A will can take precious people out of your wedding photos in a heartbeat without explanation. Something neither I, nor my family will ever fully understand. Dirty laundry? Nope, just telling YOUR story and happen to live a few details myself. Looking at my grandpa I knew my name would soon be forgotten and tomorrow wasn't promised. So the music began to play and I asked him to dance. At the close of the song I kissed him on the cheek and said, "I love you Grandpa," taking him back to his seat. He didn't know who I was that night. Not because of the dementia but distance in numbers of miles and kids. Is it time for you to dance? TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. I rarely forget to say, "I love you," and there's a story behind that. In seventh grade, Cancer had turned my grandma, my Dolly into a skeleton. Emaciated, veins protruding, and black and blue all over. I will never forget that night as I headed off to dance class. "Bye Dolly" was all I could muster up in the moment...and "I love you" never again spoken. Cancer took my grandma while I danced. What I didn't know then, and later learned was that not all had this same bond. I remember climbing onto my mom's lap saying, "I don't want them to put her in the ground." I knew nothing of Heaven back then...too young I suppose. You never know who won't be at the table tomorrow. Lavish "I love you" in the present. Does your "I love you" carry the weight of regret? TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. I used to go on prayer drives late at night, and at times I still do...but I've recently learned the beauty of walking in expectation and face planted praying in my own home. What is it in your life that you need to Jericho? What is it that you are asking God to claim victory over? What is it that calls you to walk in obedience? What is it that you need to give thanks for in advance before having eyes to see? I know mine. I spend a portion of my day on her. Often times saying out loud, "Daddy remind me who's praying too?" When you're exhausted in your own prayers and swimming in your own tears, you need that reminder. Tomorrow isn't promised so I ask God to fight my battles for me..and we just talk. Only God can wake up a loved one to truth, but you can plant it in prayer. Only God can move mountains, but prayer can move God. How are you spending your today? Is it time to take a walk? TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. Have you learned the art and joy of celebration? I'm not talking about birthdays or Christmas, Valentine's Day, or milestone moments. I'm talking about celebrating people in your life daily. Are you celebrating the victories in the lives of those you love? Victories over addiction, debt, unhealthy relationships etc. Can you be sincerely happy for the accomplishments of others even on your off days? Are you empowering their day exhaling wisdom absorbed in moments on empty? It doesn't have to involve monetary means, ya know. Do you send a quick message to encourage, pray for, challenge, and inspire? Do YOU have people in your life who do? The ones who ask about the things that weigh on your heart when others conclude that you're fine. I don't do fine. If I ask you how you are I'm genuinely interested in your heart-level response and I don't ask if I haven't the time to listen. Who do you need to celebrate? TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. I don't ever want to have too many dollars that I forget from where they came. So far it's looking like I'm safe on that one. After blessing a sweet sister of mine, I wrote, "LOVE does this..so thank LOVE and forget our names, those who step in at the chance to fail once again at reflecting LOVE unmatched." I meant it. Consider it an honor to have that chance to strive and fail, not even coming close to His reflection in the way you love. Love anyway! Are you living for retirement or with the knowledge that your return is not on this soil? Are you front-end loaded or back-end loaded in the way you live your todays? TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED! Exclamation not without purpose. Christmas is around the corner as I write. Who do you need to forgive? It matters to hear those words spoken. Matthew 5:23-24 reminds you to GO. I'm not gonna lie, when I became a Christian (a follower of Christ) I also became a sponge. There was Christmas and Easter, Jesus and God...but the connections between I knew not. I can't dish out what I don't carry, having that be a decision made on the cross...so I forgive instantly. 1 John 4:7-21 is a great reminder of what LOVE should look like. Do you need a lesson in love, or will you allow LOVE to teach you? As many often hear me say, you are a steward of time, money, and even people in your path FOR A SEASON. Don't wait for the lesson. Live instead, with, "May I have this dance" on your lips." Another chance, perhaps?" Give hilariously, love extravagantly, and live to inhale gratitude and exhale wisdom. TOMORROW ISN'T PROMISED. Don't fall asleep till you WAKE UP.

MILEAGE THAT MATTERS...***CHECK ENGINE***

How long is YOUR commute? What percentage of YOUR day has you mobile? Do YOUR feet carry YOU, or do you carry YOUR feet? Rolling chair or stationary? ...and your wheels 2,4,10,or 18? When are YOU spent and on what did YOU spend? Who gets the best part of YOUR day, YOU at YOUR best? Tell me about your mileage, does it work YOU or do YOU work it? Is that pesky little light on again? The one that reads, "CHECK ENGINE." ...and your odometer is it set with numbers in view or percent? Do you even know how long you have till EMPTY? Texting again? Maybe your brain doesn't function like mine, that being all over the place and random, but let me ask you this, do YOU make your mileage count? Does it work for YOU? ONE can make a difference...ONE can leave a mark. I can choose to go into work anywhere from 5:30 to 7:30. After 7:30, my contract kind of makes the choice for me. Some days I drive in complete silence but 98% of the time I drive with one song playing on REPEAT in the background as I pray...as I talk to my Daddy in Heaven, my Father, the creator of the Universe. I have His full attention..wrap your mind around that one. Ever picture how small you are on a globe with winding roads, oceans, mountains, and slums? I do. "Fly" plays as I tithe...the first of my day to Him. My best friend wrote it, and it has empowered my every day. I know the story behind it, but not my story to tell. I know how she was feeling because I ask those things and listen to her heart. My circumstances determine how I listen and how I pray...whether I do all the talking as it plays or in silence, "Spirit have your way in me" is the cry of my heart. ...and sometimes on days like today when I put my car in park synchronized breathing happens and it gives me chills at the close of the song. Some people are all talk, looking for reward or acknowledgment of some sort...not this girl. My favorite artist hands down..beautiful inside and out. Always the IN that stands out. My day empowered like grace. The lyrics within, my every desire found...MY story, yet not one word did I write. Talented an understatement. Just listen as I type out the blueprint of a daughter's heart..not word for word but in part. Hebrews 12:1-3...He alone is life! "Father let me gaze on you, when my heart has not the words. When a burden falls on me, you're the one I want to see." "Father let me cling to you, when worry rears it's ugly head." "Let your peace within me DWELL." "Father let me cry to you, when my sin entangles me" "I find mercy when I'm at your feet." "Father let me rest in you. EVERY MORNING seek your face!" "Like a brilliant beaming light. Burn in me your holy flame. Ignite in me your holy flame Oh, burn in me your holy flame." "Father let me sing to you, a song that echos through the storm. Like incense may it rise above, an offering before your throne." "Father let me fly to you, when my breath on Earth is done. Wrap me in your loving arms. The fight is fought, the race is won." So we talk, my God and I. I ask Him to fix my eyes on Him..and leave me speechless. Every worry laid out before Him, acknowledging who goes before me. His peace it takes up residence in me, like manna to return for every tomorrow. Resting in who I seek...a brilliant beaming light desiring to radiate my giddy in Him to all who cross my path, He burns... a passionate flame, a jealous fire none can snuff out. Mercy found in purposeful posture...raised hands, bowed head cannot touch THIS rawness. Pain in your knees as you bend does not carry the same surrender of "Envelop me" face flat swimming in murky waters fallen from flesh. Facing every storm no matter how the gage may read, I offer my life like a decision made long ago...and ask that God help me TO FINISH STRONG. Depressing? Nope, refreshing! I walk into my classroom and I play "Beautiful Feet" (Isaiah 52:7) looking out at the fields (each desk playing a vital role in the design of 3 wings) and sometimes I work in silence and sometimes I pray for each life before warm bodies arrive. My mileage...now on foot. The song empowers my day as I am reminded once again why I must live ON PURPOSE and FINISH STRONG. I turn on my CD player and the birds play reminding me not to worry (Matthew 6:26) AND now looking ahead to the places I will be carried my plane on foot, and who knows how many homemade vehicles on the World Race...I smile at the mileage. 11 months 11 countries...leaving all behind. Wondering if I will serve in community or also with my husband by my side. Eager to arrive but fully present. And when I return without contract, will I dive head first, hands like a steeple into writing, photography, work for Compassion International, or find my way back to a soil known...one thing for sure, always a teacher of someone and a student in unison. At the end of the day, I'm thankful for my commute, the songs that empower, and for the receiving end of my tithe. Destination determined...I drive for the journey and make my mileage count. A few months back, a favorite book of poetry placed in my treasure chest, and haven't stopped writing since...GRATEFUL to the GIVER living in my heart and home. Correction, HOME. ***CHECK ENGINE***

JOY STEALER....FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE ME I WILL....

What would you DO? What would you endure for the joy set before you? What storm would you face? How far would you go? ...and would you say, "Pick me" if the ugly outweighed the beauty, at first sight? Hebrews 12:2 says, " Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE HIM endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Jesus would have no other STEAL HIS JOY. Who am I? No, who are we to settle for less? The AUTHOR and PERFECTER of our faith is asking you to ponder this question not just today but every tomorrow to come. Tomorrow isn't promised. If you take nothing with you take that truth, because I strive to live it's weight. Are you living ON PURPOSE or surviving as if it were by mere accident? If the doctor had to diagnose one in your family tomorrow, would you say, "Pick me!" If your best friend needed a kidney tomorrow, would you say, "It's yours TODAY!" I would. Live by example. Not mine, but His alone. If a co-worker, family member, stranger, or friend were going to attempt to shred your character right down to your faith verbally, would you welcome it? Many who know me to the core know that because of ONE movie (Beyond Borders) and the things I've seen on mission it is extremely rare that I take any medicine to numb myself from FEELING. Think about how far we will go not to have to FEEL. I can tell you this much is true of me. He IS the AUTHOR and I get to be reminded day in and day out that He is also the PERFECTER. Think about it. He knows you can't get there by yourself, so in His kindness He drives you and He will use the ugliest vehicles of pain and suffering to get you there. I'm suffering even as I write, but willingly for the joy set before me...restoration of an irreplaceable friendship to a new level of beauty. He will use EVERYTHING to get you to the sweet spot of HOME in Him. To get you to the place in your faith where you say, "If I perish, I perish," like your sister Esther. In August of 2014 I was planning on starting the paperwork for adopting a baby girl but God knew there were TWO things that would place that in another season of prayer and thus returning later to the paperwork part of the journey. MARRIAGE AND MISSIONS. You see, years ago I was working as an advocate for Compassion International at the Gwinnett Arena for a Catalyst event when a young woman walked up to my table, told me she was leaving on the World Race and that I should go with her. I listened to a few details and decided to pray about it. Years later I met an incredible man of God who inspired me and motivated me in so many ways. Paul Iwanaga was my second confirmation that I was to one day go, as he had already gone before me...returning to tell the stories of his travels. While doing life with a young woman in my small group the other night she told me she was considering doing the World Race. You don't make the mistake of telling me about what God has in mind unless you want to see your TRY turn into DO. So now I remind her that she is leaving in September. She (not named so as to not steal her joy) was my third confirmation. While doing dishes with my brother-in-law yesterday out of the blue he said, "So you're about due for another big trip aren't you?" an added bonus from God with Kevin Hakes just for laughs :) Then God got me up at 2am this morning with World Race heavy on my heart and my excuses in full throttle, while I thought I was only up to have my face planted on my prayer rug fighting for restoration for my best friend and I. He wanted BOTH for me. If you aren't wearing a prayer path in your carpet, on a rug, around a space you believe He has claimed for you, or in the woods somewhere etc...you are missing out on joy only found in those places. My place of prayer often my car on long drives, short drives, and purposeful prayer drives with no destination but empty to overflowing. When I decided to move to Cherokee County the first confirmation came while I was sitting in church the day before my birthday listening to a message, the second was having my friend Jodi Lynch stop mid-sentence with a friend and say, "So when are you thinking you might look for a job up here and move here?" The third was when I ran into a neighbor I hadn't seen in like 9 months (judging from her belly) and she said, "Weren't you going to take a new job?" Her husband looked at her after looking at my bewildered expression saying, "Wow, that's 5 times this week that the Lord has told you something before the person He's going to bless. He said move...so I did. So in 2015 I will head off for 11 months in 11 countries traveling on mission with brothers and sisters from all over the world. You would say of me that I never meet a stranger. MY JOY, HIS GLORY. For the joy set before me I will say "YES," worry not, fear not, treasure every tomorrow, endure___. My house will go on the market, my car will be paid off and for sale, all unnecessary furniture sold, school loan deferred, and the craziest thing I am at peace with is that I will not sign another contract with my employer that May. I will carry whatever defines manna, sleep in whatever space is provided, travel to whatever country is on the map, speak whatever words the Spirit asks of me, dance whatever ways elicit smiles, teach whatever the Lord lays on my heart or is handed me...and live 11 months of WHAT EVER comes, "YES." As it reads on the WR website, "There is more to life than empty traditions, routines, and working 9-5." IF God were to suddenly say no to this experience, then I would bless another on their travels and welcome my new circumstances. I could be dating, getting married, pregnant, or even sick when the time comes...but I don't know a better way to live than "Yes____." No matter my soil I am ON MAP ON MISSION...but sometimes you just know it's not an accident that God is able to snuff out every excuse before you even breathe it into place, I have done nothing to disqualify me from marriage, and while waiting to steward my own kids, God calls me to steward yours and theirs marking them for life. I was wired to be others focused and some understand that to a greater depth than others. I was called to teach God's kids about God, but never confined to a classroom...I just strive to live out His Word. How am I doing? Failing and falling every single day..but trusting a better tomorrow to come. If you haven't learned already, one of the most powerful prayers you can pray is FAVOR period. One of the most dangerous ways to live is with "YES" on your lips. BUT if you knew right now that if your circumstances were absent you would lose a blessing, your joy would be stolen, and the more God had in mind for you would go to another...would you welcome your circumstances with joy? Good news! What I just said is 100% true. There is a joy that can only be known if we'll travel these roads. Yes, THIS one you're on right NOW. Jesus would have it no other way. No other could steal His joy. FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE ME I WILL... I challenge you to make a list, exhaust yourself, and finally arrive at the fact that nothing needs to follow those ellipses because it is I WILL that matters most with the promise of JOY that will not be found empty. "Pick ME!"

DWELL...HOME DEFINED "Heart Is Where The HOME Is."

"Home is Where the Heart is." It reads this way on every piece of artwork, it's engraved on jewelry, blankets, found in literature across genres...and yet it seems "They" whoever They are, have it all wrong. Defined: "Prov. People long to be at home.; Your home is whatever place you long to be." When is the last time you have been so overwhelmed by God's love that neither location nor your circumstances had any sway in preventing the tears from streaming down your face? No, really, if you know me at all I'm really asking, and I haven't walked away, but am standing right here anticipating your answer. Lately, it seems, a rush will come over me and I will be left with the silent streaming tears, the ones that leave you breathless, or just a single reminder tear when it comes to who He is, His movement in my life, His faithfulness, provision, and relentless love. He is my portion and I am His...HOME defined. ALL Caps, not without purpose. When was MY last time? Drum roll please...TODAY! I wrote, "The music began to play and no words yet spoken, I grabbed hold of my necklace with my right arm in full surrender...looking up at you the tears began to stream down my face BECAUSE HE IS FAITHFUL :) I love you and He overwhelms me at the thought." On the receiving end; my best friend Emily Goswick. Job 12:13-14, in an effort to display the all-knowing Great I AM, reads, "“To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his. What he tears down cannot be rebuilt; those he imprisons cannot be released." What remains standing is of Him, and with great purpose it is sustained. ALL wisdom, power, counsel, and understanding are His alone. As women, we tend to think, we want what we once had...only to cheat God even in our thoughts of the MORE our Builder has in mind (Hebrews 3:4) I choose today, to abandon that thought and strive never to swerve and return to it again. I've known best friends walking out on me, their circumstances having nothing to do with me...left wondering if I'd ever have _____ again. In due time, God rebuilt relationships with all but one...a new normal, but never the same. Galatians 6:8...my daily reminder. Just one of those THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT moments..."And thank you so much for SEEING and for ENCOURAGING. You're a wonderful best friend and such a huge blessing! Love you sweet Brooke! So much!" ~Emily Goswick. Sometimes your mission takes you beyond borders, to the streets, the inside of a jail, a classroom etc. AND sometimes simply to your face in your own home. Prayer warriors do exist "I'll pray for you," is far too common a practice that passes through the lips and comes up empty as a promise. BUT not so with God..."So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me EMPTY but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11 Does your word mean something...by His example? Her word does. I love that God has blessed me with someone who challenges me spiritually, who is equally intentional, carrying a mutual give and take, the one on the other line of the I just have to tell someone kind of calls, who matches my silly within...(oh the things her amazing husband puts up with in us), lives what she speaks, truly unmatched talent, and SO SO good for the soul. I am so undeserving of such love and yet He finds me worthy. This woman ministers to me daily with her life, and yet she is constantly thanking ME for ministering to her with MINE. Who am I? Linger and listen to your HOME. ...and Oh the stories she tells with her lyrics as she did to me listening in to her grandpa's song. LIVE A LIFE WORTH TELLING STORIES ABOUT...and just maybe someone will be singing your story, following your footsteps, praising God for your presence.... in your absence. If you don't have people in your life that move you to lift Him higher(an MVP: Someone who MOTIVATES your character, VALUES your soul, and PRAISES your journey), it's time to find new friends :) With her music I can work and worship my Father in Heaven without saying a word. Choose not to linger and listen....and you are doing a disservice to yourself and cheating your heart out of the more God has for you. Life with Emily really is like being reintroduced to BEAUTIFUL defined on a whole new level daily. SO blessed by our friendship handpicked by God's design. With Emily I am HOME. She is human, fails daily, swerves from time to time, should be crucified like me, for her thought life alone...and yet she lives out her knowledge that JESUS in her is greater than _________. What God has built no man can tear down. When the spiritual outweighs the social, you have found a good thing. When together you press into Him and desire to embrace Acts 2 living, you have found a God thing. God reminds me each morning that He has this...and I can rest in His grip. With Front Door Treasures, prayers that deliver, and delivered encouragement, African Community Laundry (don't ask), the sharing of meals, the therapy of cooking, cleaning, and serving...I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of ME Philippians 3:12 "food for thought." Jeremiah 29:11, so true, He does know the plans He has for you. It is THIS voice that draws me closer to my Father in Heaven on my morning drive to work. It is THIS voice that keeps me sane as a teacher. It is THIS voice that encourages me in word and action. It is THIS woman who reflects the love of God and marks every life crossing her path for the better. Daily she seeks her EVERYTHING, so with Him reigning center stage in both of us...her words have WEIGHT with me. Desiring NOTHING from me; I lavish generously, hilariously, ridiculously, inexplicably. Sound familiar? She is my constant, my best friend, and I am hers....HOME defined. Beautiful inside and out...for me, the IN stands out. She is Heaven's advance in my eyes. Not all rewards must we wait on Heaven for. Like being caught without an umbrella. HOME defined. ALL Caps, not without purpose. Some of you know that I have a huge heart for kids. And whether she grows close to me beneath my heart, or claims me from another soil...the first little girl has a name. My best friend loves to have me tell the meaning behind the daughter I pray by name for. In fact she sends me texts just to say she's praying for Lyra, and I'm pretty sure she already has designed her room in chalkboards. Her name is pronounced like you are saying lyric, because her mother has written them for years through her poetry. In the Bible David worshiped God with the Lyre no matter his circumstances...and I strive to do the same. Her middle name was once going to be Grace because many believe that grace ended at the cross, but it truly is empowerment for everything in life. I wanted it in the middle, as a reminder of His relentless love. BUT I can't write what I haven't lived. So in August 2014 I will begin the process of adoption, alone it will be on paper, but if God so chooses together "process" will look like huge investments in the form of prayer FIRST...paper later. With me as her mom, no matter domestic or international her name will read Lyra Emily-Grace Leffelman. God assures me it was by design :) So dry those tears Emily Grace Goswick. Yes EGG you can have fun with LEG all you want in the waiting for a more permanent 4th letter. Hyphen, not without purpose. HOME is not a location for me. It is a state of being, a sweet spot, an inexplicable peace. It's a noticing of my Builder building, an embracing of gifts given, and abundant living. It's my state of being, at the thought of Revolution Church, babies, adoption, mission work etc. It's not about the soil, and far more the grains of sand He knows to represent the number of my thoughts. It is the HOME within my heart that causes my heart to beat fast, revisiting those three kinds of tears. It is HOME that plants you face first in the ugly cry, that is so beautiful. It is HOME that follows heart. If your heart is not right with God, and you are not in a right relationship with Him, I promise that you will never know HOME defined. In marriage he will know I will settle for no less than HOME. He is FIRST because I can't bare the sound of LAST...my life crashing like the waves upon the sand. So, I choose to DWELL. To live as a resident. To exist in this given place or state. To fasten my attention. To speak or write at length; expatiate. ...and expatiate I have :) I just EXPATIATED all over my computer screen.

Clothed with Stories....THEY CHOSE ME!

This morning I awoke to find myself singing praises to our God and King. This is not a rare occurrence, so whoever you are out there...be forewarned. I was singing lyrics my life in Christ has written into me. God is busy adding beauty to your life even when you don't recognize it as such. Yesterday was an early morning for me after roughly 4 1/2 hours driving around picking up items for my guys at Phillips State Prison on my way to Canton. Who knew boxers could be so scarce in Walmart of all places. After visiting 4 Walmarts, 1 Kmart, a handful of dollar stores....and a partridge in a pear tree...it was finished at about 6:30am.

What a night, but Oh what a morning! Chalked full of powerful prayer for brothers once pursuing my heart..now at a great distance. For the day's endeavor serving with 12stone and visiting yet another home away from home...Phillips State Prison. For things I can and cannot see God doing in my life, and the things I fail each day to understand and choose instead to surrender. For God's hand upon my life, His favor bold and bright claiming me as His own...and giving me the honor of being a voice for some of his favorite groups of people...the LEAST, LOST, and REJECTED. Jesus loved the poor...so that's where my time should find me. Jesus visited the prisoners, so each week a seat is saved for me. Jesus sought the rejected and reminded them of their worth, so I too am called to get their attention with His truth. It is a dangerous but beautiful prayer to pray, "God break my heart for what breaks yours."

Gratitude in the form of a heart deep smile found it's way to my face from a precious moment shared with a Walmart Employee. I was a beautiful mess. Esther was my cashier and her name reminds me of a story of one who shares that same name. She asked me how I was and I responded, "Pretty good." I quickly corrected myself with, "I'm sorry. I'm not pretty good, I'm fabulous. Let me tell you why." I proceeded to tell her what I get to be a part of. She grabbed my hands and said, "Bless you." Walking away I pointed back at her saying, "For such a time as this." With a smile she echoed it back to me. "...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this." Esther 4:14.

I have to tell you that it is a beautiful thing when you reach the place standing up in life saying with great conviction, "If I perish, I perish." I haven't always been there. No, it was only when I fully embraced that I was made BY Him and FOR Him...that I could. Honestly, for me it began when God asked me in 2000 to sponsor a child. By far one of my greatest investments made. You see, I truly believe that I am simply a steward of all that is in my path for a season. Whether that be time, money, material things, or even people. When you arrive, suddenly marriage is just another beautiful chance to steward...but if it never comes, my mission is the same. Children are unexpected gifts to add beauty to my life and steward well...but it matters not whether they come from me, or claim my heart as their own.

Perspective is everything. I can't tell you the day I grabbed hold of this truth for all it's weight and worth...but I know that it was shortly after November 18, 2007 that I began to live a powerful message. That was not the day I accepted Christ, but for me it is valued no less than that night in 2000. 11/18/07 was the day I looked down at a bracelet from the hand of a brother, and from the heart of my God, saying, "God you're up to something." And He was, is, and always will be. The red band upon my wrist read, "ON MAP ON MISSION 12stone Church." Today I often look down at my now engraved ring carrying that same message, and say, "God I don't know what you're up to BUT I'm in!"

Driving from Canton, GA, I was in tears with only 15 minutes left till reaching home. I was in tears because I had just spoken with a woman who shares my heart. She must have prayed many similar prayers, because God has broken her heart with all that breaks His. She was telling me about how the lobby of 12stone has the same bracelets I wear each day, because our church desires to tell the story of the men down the street. And I just broke after hanging up. I fell apart in praise, because I, along with someone from the inside have always had a vision of 12stone adopting Phillips State. In fact, every man and woman there the first time we met the Men of Redemption, would tell you God moved that day. After telling a friend that I'm not the kind of person to have a mountain top experience and walk away, and I wanted to know their needs year round, she told me their Christmas party could be cancelled due to the economy. I told her I didn't know how but I would throw them a party. I knew I had a really big God on my side, and a huge church with willing hands. I contacted a set of sisters and asked if maybe their small group would want to help out with this amazing project. They were IN before I got the full description of what it would entail out. While at church one Sunday I walked out of the Hamilton Mill campus when God prompted me to walk back in and go talk to our pastor Kevin Queen. I was about midsentence when he asked for the receipts for the pizza saying he wanted to be a part of it. All I can say, is the same 4 words that have always described my life, still do. AND THEN HE MOVED. In that moment I thanked Him once again for Preston, for our ugly but beautiful story, and for all the ways He has used me since 11/18/07.

I am a woman clothed with stories...on purpose. Make no mistake, I know what I'm wearing, and the hands behind it all KNOW me. In fact THEY CHOSE ME. I never want to be caught without a story. You may wonder what I mean by this. My index finger carries the story of my life ON MAP ON MISSION, the purse I carry...a blessing of a day shared with my oldest Compassion child, the earrings in my ears a reminder of the beauties at the beach in Brazil and the battle against sexual exploitation and the selling of children into prostitution. My neck is usually adorned with necklaces from kids all over the world, or the men inside the walls of Phillips State. My wrist carry stories from Honduras, Brazil, and Guyana. BUT the greatest of these is LOVE. So beyond the stories I wear on the outside, I live to tell the story I carry on the inside of a God who abandoned His own son for a moment because He saw my face and couldn't bear to look away until He knew He could bring me home...no matter the cost. Getting ready this morning I smiled as God had added yet more beauty to my life after another day at Phillips State. My bathroom is full of jewelry made by the level four men of Phillips State. ...and now yet another mission as my students begin to write letters to the TREASURE BOX FILLERS not knowing they are impacting the same men who grabbed my heart. THEY CHOSE ME!

After a morning of corporate worship in the presence of thousands, we went to battle as members of a yearly pledge but a lifestyle of COMPASSION IN ACTION. Having been to see the guys a few times before, I was assigned the job of picking up Chick-fil-A sandwiches and to my surprise children's toys. You see, the men I spent my day with have a very special place in my heart...and His. I believe there were men in my presence who know Him, but do not know their own name. Hair unkept, long nails, clothing not their own...a reality we do not know. I noticed an immediate blessing seeing first names on their clothing, while correctional facilities do not usually acknowledge the names they were given. After passing our their lunches, we each walked over to take our seat and share a meal with them. I hesitated sitting down with a man who I thought at the time was only about 10 years older than me. I didn't want to be a distraction, and he had eyes that reminded me of someone close to me who has no desire to know me anymore. ...but I strive to be His YES woman living with no hesitation on my lips or in my heart and mind. Sitting down I learned their names. W and T had me at hello. W is my age. He hadn't had a Chick-fil-A sandwich in 11 years. In a moment talking about material things I learned that he once had a Nokia on the outside, but hadn't a clue what an iphone was. He was amazed by my description of texting with T9 and even more than that Swype. He has an 11 year old son whom he signed the birth certificate for and held for a moment. Now he gets one visit with him each month. He is an artist and his body tells only part of his story. In 2015 when he maxes out on his time, he hopes to go into landscaping or construction. He told me that before I mentioned it, he had never thought to ask his son to draw him anything to see if he just might have the same gift as his father. I could tell from the way he was with T that he was like a gentle guardian. From the abrasive storms that rage within and all around him in his reality, this man appeared to be in his 40's. My brother W is only 29. When we played Bingo, they each had two cards and he quickly passed one over to me. We both helped T.

T doesn't know how old he is. With the mind of a 3rd grader, he is as sweet as can be. He is dependent upon W for his safety and W willingly takes the job. Someday I hope to have the chance to find out if He knows the LORD. Appearing to be around 75, I soon found out I could be looking into the face of my dad...as he was born in 1959. My heart hurt. T won Bingo 3 times and lit up like a child on Christmas day. Worried about his Jolly Ranchers being stolen, W reassured him that he had his back. W says he will never step foot in another correctional facility once released...and I believe him. Reminding me of a stray cat grooming his face, this other man with eyes like the blue of the sea...I knew it would take many visits to learn his story. I would shake my head and he would copy me and smile like a two year old who had just learned how to say No. W and T had inside jokes and a special way with each other. T would say, "I run this" and smile. Before we left I prayed over W and later prayed over all of the men among us, and their angel who adds beauty to their lives daily. Some may say that place is ugly, but I can tell you that it is one of my favorite places to watch the sun set. I can tell you that when I drive out there to pray for the men inside I have confidence that more and more are beginning to call on ONE Father. I can tell you that while men can lose their life over $5, and riots can break out within seconds, there are good things happening inside. Men inside choose families on the outside to give the gift of Thanksgiving dinner to. Men inside make jewelry and crafts of all kinds simply to stay busy and be a blessing in the waiting. I don't get to, nor do I want to know the details of the crimes these men are charged with. I know the world would look in and see me sharing a meal with men convicted of sodomy, rape, armed robbery, drug charges, child molestation, aggravated assault etc. I do know the specific crimes of the two I sat down with and knowing this only changes how I pray, but never keeps me from stepping in. Jesus wouldn't run. There are many in my life who would instantly want to rescue me and protect me upon knowing...so you never will. Whether guilty or innocent, the years they lost inside they will never get back, so this is a small way they can live a life of significance and make a difference adding beauty to another. Yes, I KNOW the beauty behind the beads I wear...and THEY CHOSE ME.

I don't know how many days I have left on this Earth, but as one of my pastors always reminds us, I choose significance over success...because success always finds me, even if taking a different form than the world may claim. This Christmas I am asking that friends and family would be prayerful about asking how they might challenge themselves to make a new investment. In what? No, in whom? Well, to start, I will continue to take up collections of hygiene products and boxers for Phillips State, but I will box up what I have on the 18th of every month. As for Christmas, I have as an advocate and voice for children of Compassion International, requested that 18 packets be sent to my house so that I may bless in the form of relationships. Beginning on November 18, 2011 and ending December 18, 2011 I hope to find, or better yet, be found by brothers and sisters in Christ who want to invest in the life of a child. My Christmas mission simply called "18 BLESSINGS." He gets all the glory in my story. I just get their attention with His truth. To love, listen, and lift...IS to truly know you LIVE and do not merely survive each day.

...and so I sang with tears welling up in my eyes from the purest place within, "I wanna live to tell their story. I wanna give you all the glory. Lord use me now."

IN the Word but not OF the WORD

Thinking back, I'm sure you can recall a pastor or two teaching about how Christians are to be IN the world but not OF the world. My fear is that too many of us get this but do not fully grasp the weight of it. How do I know? We proclaim His cause, but do we chase His character? Matthew 7:16 promises that a person's fruit will tell their story. God gets all the glory in mine, and I have to tell you that I am so glad He made it colorful even when I fail to see beyond the ugly. I say it all the time and I mean it with everything in me. The ONLY kind of LOVE for me is the kind that doesn't always look like love. Would you settle for less than the Creator who understands those pieces in your hands? Think about it. Now ask yourself one of the most powerful questions fully loaded and ready to change your life. Am I IN the Word but not of the WORD? "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1:1-5

You want to be misunderstood? Get in the Word, or better yet, let Him get into you. If you know me you've heard me say time and time again that I'm NOT supposed to make sense to the world. I love with the inexplicable kind of love where He gets all the glory. He gets ALL of me because He's the only one who gets all of me...if ya know what I mean. I will warn you that I have been crawling out of my skin with excitement to write this post today. Why? Because I have come to a place in my life where His Word is an undeniable part of ME. I am OF the WORD. Human and His. ....and I have a story. If you're not living a life worth telling stories about you are merely surviving, and it's time to start living.

My prayer is that this post will challenge you to your core, suck the dead out of you, and breathe life back into you. A breath of fresh air. If you do not know my story, look for yours. If you do, I'll warn you that this is a potential chill producer. This is where I break out into song with "Our God is an Awesome God..." I'll spare you and save it for Him. If you are IN the Word and not OF the WORD, I have news for you. He doesn't have all of you. You're still casting stones at old sin, praying for things long promised before you were a thought in your momma's head, and you still harbor unforgiveness even though you carry its antonym.

This Sunday I was home away from home. Sitting in a service at Revolution, listening to Jason speak, I was forewarned. I WOULD be challenged, God WOULD make asks of me that I may or may not be prepared to respond to....and by the way, my answer required a resounding YES without hesitation. In my head I'm thinking, "I've got this, I'm living ON MAP ON MISSION every day of my life, why should this be any different?" Oh, but I had no idea what lay ahead. God told me what to do, and instead of going home to Sunday dinner with my family, I grabbed my cell phone and headed to Douglasville. I only made it to Chastain Rd. before God did what he intended to do. God didn't want me to make it all the way to Preston, He just wanted my Yes and He'd handle the rest. Those who know my story, know that I made a promise to both a man and God back in 2007...and I kept it. ...but as mentioned above, I was misunderstood, judged, persecuted, called crazy, and believed to be a joke. I knew what I was doing, and I was greatly rewarded for my obedience. With almost 4 years spent inside correctional facilities, and his prayer warrior on the outside, that man knew a love that cost him NOTHING. Sound familiar? He received letters weekly, books monthly, CD's, handwritten church messages, and a deposit on the 18th of every month....just to celebrate him as I've been celebrated all my life and live to pay it forward. Circumstances are powerful, but they have nothing on prayer. That man was so soaked in prayer that he left footprints wherever he walked. I have NEVER stopped believing in him, and to the godless that makes me one of them....a fool (godless). You'd think they'd recognize that in themselves. If I am godless I'd like to hit the reset button and start over.

I was called to humble myself and apologize knowing I hadn't done anything wrong...and so I did. I sent him a text that read:

Me: "I'm going to risk losing my job because I know what I need to do. God has made it clear and I trust even if you have no compassion on me, that He will be with me. I cannot fully live out Romans 12:1 continuing to offer my body as a sacrifice if my brother has something against me Matthew 5:23. I am claiming the words of Nehemiah 1:11 over my life. I am driving from Canton to tell you I'm sorry and goodbye if you want me to. If you do not live with your parents I need to know. Please be there. I have to be back for Bible study at 5 over here. I'm afraid but not listening to my fears. Be there soon. About 12:30." An instant reply came:

Preston: "I'm out of town. Save it and just forget about me." ...and continued,

Preston: "I'm sick of this pestering."

Me: "It matters. Never have I tried to pester you. I have been sincere in everything. Read those pieces of scripture and listen to Plant the Flag at therevolution.tv and you'll understand why it matters."

Me: "I am a woman clothed with strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25. I seek the Lord with all my heart and live On Map On Mission. But it hurts to live out Romans 12:1 knowing Matthew 5:23 will always be true of you. If you could have one thing from me, what do you want more than anything? It was about having the character to commit and complete what God had asked of me. I did, but in doing so I hurt my brother."

Me: "I ask Him to tell you I'm sorry every day. I pray for you to live every day to glorify Him with your hands, lips, and life as I strive to do. I'm so sorry I hurt you Preston. I was willing to risk losing my job just to say it in your presence. Please no mo matter what you may be thinking tell me you forgive me. And tell me what you want because I am at peace with giving it to you. I don't have to understand the details of the past almost 4 years, but trust that He does."

Me: "God showed me in prayer that it was wrong of me to tell you to tell me you forgive me. I should have said tell me IF you forgive me. I want it to be sincere because you reach a place where you realize you are a carrier of it and it is a decision made FOR you, not one you make for yourself. I trust that I have your answer loud and clear. You DON'T forgive me because you're not ready to. That's God's soil not mine. He doesn't have all of you until you do. I wasn't coming because I wanted you to change your heart. That is God's business as well. Unless you initiate, it will just change the way I pray for you, but I will say no more till then."

God told me that day that no longer would I be allowed to beat myself up over his unforgiveness. I drove back to my parent's house and I knew I had to get rid of those messages because there is so much paralysis in analysis. I pulled out my journal and wrote God a letter. Inside I told Him that I had done what was asked of me and it was all in His hands. I would cover his ugly words with truth and wait. I tore out the pages of my journal, folded it, and placed it in an envelope. I sealed it with "I surrender! Issaiah 55:8-11 10/9/11 I told God I wouldn't break the seal until the day my prayer was answered and he forgave me. I covered the ugly with the beautiful that is so much a part OF me. Hebrews 3:4,6 Hebrews 13:1-3 Hebrews 12:3 Hebrews 11:1 Nehemiah 1:11 James 3:17-18 Romans 4: 20-21 Luke 7:47 Ecclesiastes 3:11 Galatians 6:9 Romans 8:28 Romans 8:25 Romans 4:18 Proverbs 31:25 Galatians 5:22 1 John 4: 16-21 Romans 12:1 Matthew 5:23.....and I waited.

It has been exactly 3 days and at 6:56am this morning I received a text saying, "...I have forgiven you" I was in instant tears at His faithfulness. I sent him a smile and then took a picture of the power of his words so he could see it in my face. My last words were, "You just made me cry at work after coming from my morning drive praying for you. Thank you sweet man :) YOU made my day, week, year, and heart's prayer TODAY. My eyes say it all as the lyrics from my head surfaced singing inside, "You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Father in Heaven." I pray as always that you glorify Him with your HANDS, LIPS, AND LIFE. He gets all the glory in my story. And I smile to know He has ALL of you because there's so much power in saying it. I say that shaking and standing in awe of His faithfulness.

You may be thinking, "Why share such a personal story?" ....because you just might find yours within it. Maybe digging into God's Word is an item on a checklist for you, and not yet a part OF you. Maybe you've been harboring unforgiveness for far too long...and you'll be inspired to see it for what it is (a decision made FOR you) and act on it. Maybe you're seeking restoration and you've been hurt by words that just need to be sealed up and covered with truth. I don't know your story....but He does. God alone brought us restoration, and God alone gets the glory. My prayer was answered. His words matter, because he matters. I have never been angry with him or torn him down with my words. He is my brother, and I light up when I tell our story. I believe in that man to this day. I believe in miracles, and I have seen the power of prayer. This isn't the movies. I'm not gonna tell you that ALL was made beautiful again. What I will tell you, is that I have seen WAY too much to doubt. For a season or a lifetime, neither that man, nor this journey will be forgotten.

PRINCESS FOR A SUMMER....praying for a LIFETIME

You know you are on your way to becoming a Proverbs 31 woman WHEN:

#1 HE IS YOUR GREAT REWARD... "After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." Genesis 15:1

#2 YOU FULLY COMPREHEND THAT YOU WERE MADE BY HIM AND FOR HIM... "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Colossians 1:16

#3 YOU SEEK AND STRIVE NOT TO SWERVE..."Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4:23-27

#4 YOU FIND PURPOSE IN LIVING ON MAP ON MISSION AS A RESPONSE TO HIS CALL TO SERVICE..."For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

#5 YOU PLACE LOVE AT THE CENTER OF ALL THINGS LIVING OUT OF THE OVERFLOW OF HIS LOVE IN YOUR LIFE...1 Corinthians 13:1-13

#6 THE CHASE OF MEN PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF GOD "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise up on the wings of the down, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as a light to you. Psalm 139:8-12

#7 GOD DESERVES MORE THAN YOUR LEFTOVERS AND YOU RECOGNIZE YOU ARE MERELY A STEWARD OF TIME, MONEY, AND PEOPLE PLACED IN YOUR PATH FOR A SEASON..."Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

#8 YOU REFUSE TO SETTLE FOR LESS THAN GOD'S BEST IN ANY AREA OF LIFE...""Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

#9 YOU FIGHT NOT TO WAIVER IN YOUR FAITH DESIRING TO BE OBEDIENT IN EVERYTHING..."Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming." Ephesians 4:14 "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:6 "The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything." 2 Corinthians 2:9

#10 YOU VOW TO LIVE IN PURSUIT OF HIM HAVING BEEN DEFINED IN HIM TO BE A WIFE OF NOBLE CHARACTER in his eyes NEVER CONFUSING THE SIZE OF THE H... "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing in value.

This is in NO way a 10 step process as there are characteristics that take a lifetime to put on as clothing each day. These are simply 10 things I've discovered to carry the most responsibility in making me who I am. By no other avenue would I be where I am today. So why such a title? "PRINCESS FOR A SUMMER....praying for a LIFETIME" Well, inside of marriage a woman is to be treated as a princess and a man honored as a little l lord. Using the triangle illustration I so firmly believe in, God is the apex and husband and wife are the remaining vertices. The closer a man gets to God, the closer he will be to his wife. The closer a woman gets to God, the closer she will be to her husband. The straight and narrow is a beautiful thing. The journey is straight to God with fixed eyes and few detours making the trades of Romans 1:25. I say few, because the trades you make in life enlarges your perspective of who God is causing you to find Him irreplaceable.
Without a doubt this has been the best summer of my life. Coming out of the rain and into the sunshine to some may be a no-brainer. But for me, I NEED the storms to shape me, to allow me to add beauty to another's life, and to grow me in ways I never imagined to be my reality. The difference is that I would choose the storms over the promised sunshine any day as long as I remained in His boat Matthew 14:32. The sunshine is a promise and the storms shape me. Why would I want to stand in the sunshine as less when the storms of life would uncover the more God has for me? You may need to marinate in that for a bit to capture the weight of it.
I rode out the storm of an incredibly painful but beautiful relationship. ...and the sunshine is so much brighter having traveled that road. This summer I decided that I would join meetup.com and go out and do the things I both love to do and have always wanted to do, but would never sign up for myself. Instead I got to do them all in great company. I hiked the waterfalls in a different state each weekend, went whitewater rafting, took my first cliff jump, slid off Turtleback Falls, went zip lining, learned how to play tennis (sort of), soon to go sky diving and most likely caving. And that's the short list. I was blessed with the most beautiful relationships, made a ton of friends, and found great fellowship in the best company. And God put it on my heart to start up my own meetup. I titled it CENTER STAGE 3:30 and designed it for singles 22-35. We alternate between local outings, service, and outdoor adventure. And for a very short but memorable season with a few and 4 days with one other I chose to search for unmarried men for my group using dating websites...and was blessed with new friends and beauty like I've never known. I have had the honor of getting to know the most intentional kind-hearted men to ever cross my path. This summer, I got to know what it's like to be chased, prayed for, and desired. BUT all of that only adds beauty to an already beautiful life having been chased by a relentless God all my life. Standing in the light of that wisdom requires darkness no matter your story. I've known what it's like to read a book and respond in the form of a book. For non-writers out there...in my world that's called an e-mail. I've known morning fuel and nightly affirmation. I've known the asking of how my day was and the refusing to share until the answer is received. I've known audible prayer from miles away, and prayers in the quiet of a home, a bed, a car etc...For ME. I've stood in awe and been humbled by love to the greatest depths. I've known the receiving of gifts with great meaning in small packages...because a man simply listened. I needn't hint at anything because if it's possible it will soon be my reality. I've known the life of a princess. ...and I'm not even in a defined exclusive relationship. Who am I to deserve such love? For however many tomorrows I am blessed with I will NEVER forget the beauty of THIS summer. "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." ...and who knows maybe my followers and readers will one day get to learn about the ONE prince who signs on to make princess for a LIFETIME my reality. My prayer is that I am NEVER a part of another's regret story and that I ONLY add beauty and subtract nothing from a life.

Heavenly Father God,

I lift up all those who cross my path. I pray that I steward well, communicate well, challenge them, and add beauty to their life....always getting their attention with your truth. Help me to strive to remain obedient in everything. And thank you ahead of time for the rain that's coming, because it only grows my appreciation for the sunshine that comes from all that I plant in my life and the ways you interrupt my plans. Thank you for your promises, for being my hope, and my strong foundation. It would be an honor to be a small part that makes up the roots of another. As I head back into the realities of work give me opportunities to be reminded that no matter the soil I stand on the mission is the same. Give me eyes to recognize the fruit of my future husband no matter his name, and continue to mold me into a proverbs 31 wife. Be near to my readers. Let them find great encouragement here, and help them to seek your face each day by first digging into your Word. Give them reason to pause and notice you in both the simple and complex. And make them a vessel of your love carrying a new testimony with the rising and setting of the sun. I hear you God. I ask you why the sun seems to rise and set from East to West and you remind me that it's to show the expanse of your love FOR me.


Forever praising you in the storms!

By his FRUIT (Matthew 7:16)

The words from the ONE who considers my every sigh. Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there! I pray you feel celebrated, respected, and loved by all who cross your path...no more today than any other. Lately I've been asking God, 'How will I ever see you in ______ again?" For me, that blank would be filled in with "another relationship." God answered my heart today. "By his FRUIT. You'll know by his FRUIT." It was kind of funny how it all came about for me. Today is Father's Day, and when you are in love with a man, truly believing you'll never have to date another, naturally he finds a place in your heart and surfaces at the most opportune and inopportune times. I drove to church and I just have to say God has a crazy but often frustrating sense of humor, and I've learned to expect and even welcome it to interrupt my life. I am not my own and I was made by Him and for Him.

In June of 2009, I received a letter from that man writing from the perspective of his circumstances. I wanted to not only be done with him, but I wanted his name out of my life. God did far more than just call me into prison ministry because of him. After over 3 1/2 years, I have NO regrets. God uses EVERYTHING! God said no in the most beautiful and painful ways...and that was not the first time I said I was done and God said I was not. His letter was written on Father's Day.

So on June 28th of 2009, I was up at my mom's and decided that it was time to find a second church to call home, for the times I am away from home. I typed in Canton churches and the first to pop up was REVOLUTION CHURCH. I look at three things when visiting a church site. I want to know the beliefs, the vision, and I want to hear a message from a past teaching. I clicked over to the message archive and said out loud, "Of course God, Pastor Preston Porter. You're funny." That would have been an immediate turnoff seeing the pastor carry the same name I wanted out of my life, but something in me said to check it out. It appeared that maybe he was just a guest pastor as they searched for a new pastor. I didn't want him to be there, but I just knew. I walked in and I just knew he'd be speaking. Sure enough, it read, "Pastor Preston Porter Connections Pastor." Everything in me wanted to walk out, but God said no. He walked on the stage and again I said, "Of course he's about 6 ft 8 inches and looks like he could be Preston's brother or even twin. You're funny God." I'm glad I didn't walk out that day, because Revolution is incredible. The music is inviting toward men, believing that if you get the leader, the family will follow. The messages are real, raw, honest, and Bible based. The staff are all welcoming, and the vision is amazing. I am proud to call Revolution my home. ...Though I love it, this is not a promo for my church ;) ...it's about what God spoke to my heart on that soil.

The last thing I needed today, was to not only have his name in my path, but for this to be the day that our new pastor Jason Gerdes didn't speak...and for Pastor Porter to stand in for him. BUT it was exactly what I needed all at the same time. He's usually the first to greet me after walking through the door, and usually the one to pray before the service. I know Pastor Preston Porter by his fruit. I didn't go to school with him, or have any sense of history with his name in my path. I volunteered to serve by loving on the babies while their parents attended church. I used to rock his little girl Whitney and tell her how much God loved her..often singing or humming worship songs to her. I was one of the only women who could give her her bottle without her spitting it up, because she had a sensitive stomach and I remained sensitive to her needs. Whitney had to be burped after every ounce in the beginning, or she'd lose every ounce. Pastor Porter's wife, Laney, would stop in to see her, but she'd hide so she wouldn't cry. Preston would do the same, but there was no hiding him, so he would smile at her, or just check on her and walk out.

I am a huge people watcher, and I know Pastor Porter by his fruit. Laney is loved and respected, and in return she honors him with everything she has in her...even with 4 kids. The two of them are a beautiful picture of God's design for our lives in marriage, as mothers and fathers, and as children of God. Preston's wife knows she's loved, and you can feel it in her presence. She is both his bride and best friend. ...and his kids know that he will NEVER leave them. They all look like their daddy and their daddy's fruit says he has ONE Father. Jesus knew abandonment, so we would never have to. Our God is in relentless pursuit of us, being the prime example of how we should love our kids. My pastor, Kevin Myers of 12stone says, "Your past may help to explain you, but it doesn't excuse you." If only more fathers would allow that truth to sink in, I wouldn't be visiting so many fatherless young men and women in our local jails and prisons.

Matthew 7:16 says, "By their fruit you will recognize them." The word for fruit there is KARPOS. It appears in the New Testament 66 times. In classical Greek it means literally "fruit" product, result, gain. The Hebrew word is the fruit of trees, and in Matthew 7:16, the literal and figurative converge. In this passage of scripture it is referring to false prophets. AKARPOS would translate to "unfruitful." What God spoke to my heart was that no matter his name whether it be that God would put the man I have loved all these years in a place to love and lead me well, or another...I WILL know him by his FRUIT and be confident of God's presence. My pastor, Kevin Myers says, "You behave what you believe." It is not enough to believe in what a man is capable of bearing for fruit. The fact is we are always producing fruit, but the condition is dependent upon what we plant in our lives. I still believe in that man to this day, and I know I have planted well in him. I strive to plant His word in my life, and be about the things of His heart. A woman should see a man's fruit. She should see the result of his planting knowing we don't grow ANYTHING. Some may say that fruit is not about how a person acts, but in the the message they carry. To that I would say that I pray that even strangers would be able to see the message I carry without me opening my mouth. A message of HOPE. I live to get their attention with His truth. God uses gifts of photography, writing, and the passion for prison ministry and the poor to work through me. ...but if my message is not clear, I have failed. I cannot do anything to cause God to love me more. He knows all of my thoughts and loves me anyway. That same word KARPOS is used in John 15:5. "I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit (karpos) he prunes so that it will bear even more fruit."

Pastor Porter's message was entitled, "The Son Knows the Father." He spoke about how we should lavish love on our kids far before we discipline them. He talked about the message he wants to communicate to his son, by using a story about his reaction to drinks spilling. He knows that ultimately he is only a steward of his kids, but he stewards well. I am confident that both Pastor Porter and Pastor Myers are raising kids who will produce fruit with Kingdom impact, because they are planting for a huge harvest.

Whether God decides to move mountains in my story with Preston, or begin a new chapter with a new love, I trust Him with the details. I'm thankful to have so many pastors in my life to demonstrate God's design. Pastors Preston Porter, Kevin Myers, Kevin Queen, Dan Self, Jason Gerdes...just to name a few. A man who is practicing faithfulness long before marriage, who is working with the understanding that someday he will be called to provide, is serving a cause he is passionate about, stewarding and planting well, and allowing God center stage in every arena of life...that is KARPOS, and should be the desire of every woman's heart. "By his FRUIT," I hear you God. Continue to mold me into a Proverbs 31 woman."

Speechless

Speechless! That about sums it up. Speechless in a good way. Speechless in utter HELPLESSNESS.

You see, I have what I call THE CLOSET PROJECT inside of my house. Having people move in and out pretty much my whole six years of owning it, I have accumulated what at times could appear to be a replica of Mt. Kilamanjaro. Have I ever been there? No! ...but it sounds huge. I mean really, it could KILL A MAN. Sorry, I had to. I could run a school out of my house or pack it all up and move it to another country. Though I am the kind of teacher who could run it with a few whiteboards and notecards. Oh, and post-its. Those are vital. :) So in "finishing" this never-ending project, I discovered that I still had old rosters from my very first youth group I led back in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There were of course pictures, and all the sentimentals you as a leader should save. Google spell check is not liking the fact that sentimental has been turned into a plural, so I may have claimed ownership over a new word. Anyway, the reason I have so much in my closet is because I am keeping two closets worth of stuff in there to leave space for any guests in my house, but also because I find meaning in the littlest things. With my wooden hope chest I've learned to say, "Will my daughter care to see that I have my dried flowers from the prom date whom I asked to prom? Will my daughter care that I have thousands of pictures from college etc?" You get the point. I don't have a daughter, but she has a name in case God ever decides to bless me with a baby girl. Just don't want my kid to carry a name that is associated with that kid in my second grade class who________. Fill in the blank however you wish. As a teacher I had to claim her name early. My husband has no say in that department, but whoever you are don't cry because I've reserved your son's name for you to choose. ...but I do have final say for the same reasons mentioned above.

So, I pulled out those old rosters and wondered how many of my girls would be on Facebook. As it turns out, I found almost every one of them, and they remembered me. My girls are 21, 22 etc. Some are married, some divorced, and some have children. This is 6 years of youth ministry before I dove into prison ministry. That's a lot of kids! I was speechless seeing their beautiful faces, hearing their stories, and finding out that some of them are even going to college at UNI and possibly staying in my dorm.

Digging a little deeper through old files, I discovered letters and pictures from a little girl I met on a TN mission trip back in college. I invested in her for a few years as her life was nowhere close to easy. I became even more speechless as I may have also found her on Facebook. She's sixteen or so now, and possibly has a baby. My babies are having babies long before me. Speechless!

My night ended in utter helplessness as I arrived to the jail to find that my sweet girl had lost her smile. I sat down and with tears welling up in her eyes... I was speechless. It would be on that night that she would have to make a decision for her life. What you have to understand is that I NEVER would have imagined adding the number of words I've had to add to my vocabulary over the years. I never would have imagined that I would carry words like: hearings, motions, plea agreements, trials, sentencing terms, holding cell, or acronyms like TPM. I know them all very well, though I myself have never lived the reality associated with each to the extent of those in my path. I don't know details, and I can't help make life decisions not having those details...so I just show up and do as I'm called. I'm called to get their attention with His truth. In Genesis that job to hate was already filled. I wasn't hired for it. I signed on to love period. All I could think was, "Holy Spirit speak. Give me the words her heart needs most, or call me to silence and I will simply listen." "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21. I know nothing of the cases for most of my kids, but I know background when it comes to their childhood. One of my kids was homeless at the age of 9. In moments like these, it feels as if anything coming out would just sound like some kind of Christian bumper sticker. But there's power in, "Look at me! I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." She knows that unless my unnamed husband takes me to another state, I'm in for the long haul. I'm not gonna lie. It's painful, but you don't walk out on the people you love when it starts to rain. This kid is my heart. I reminded her that if anyone can do _____ years SHE can. That if ____ happens she will accept it and know that for whatever reason she is to be a giant for God on THAT soil. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works for the good of ALL things. Sometimes you just need to rest in that even when you don't understand it and let your mind and heart catch up. In Warren Wiersbe's book, Be Mature: Growing up in Christ, he says, "Because we are God's "scattered" people and not God's "sheltered" people, we must experience trials." But then he goes on to say that we should be reminded in James 1:1-11 to COUNT, KNOW, LET, and ASK. We prayed and then I entered that LONG hallway telling myself over and over that God works all through the night. I don't know what will happen to some of my kids as some are hoping to get out in 2025, some are just in and out like a revolving door, and others are looking at life and life without parole. God is on EVERY soil. As I always say,"My God is NO smaller today." My pastor, Jason Gerdes, asked us if we would ever consider driving to a jail or prison and offer to be yoked with an inmate. We all have known prison, and some of us can even name our prisons. Why not? If I can't do as he asks literally, I pray that stepping into these stories matters just as much when it comes to Kingdom impact. It's not about me, because I was made FOR Him and BY Him. I just try to love out of the overflow in my life knowing there is nothing I could do to cause Him to love me less and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing I can do to cause Him to love me more. My pastor would say that it's all about His ISness. :)

Tummy Time

"They" say babies should engage in tummy time so they can take a break from all of the pressure on their occipital area, to strengthen the muscles needed to push up with their arms, and eventually take off crawling. Those of you with kids know that this can be quite a chore as most babies are incredibly resistant to this task. I laughed watching my niece over Skype push up with her arms and have no interest in staying in that position. It didn't matter what Heather would do, Ellen would roll to her back. I myself don't yet have any children, but one day I'll join the tummy time struggle. So why on Earth is a single woman with no children writing about tummy time? I crave it!

It's one of those things that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. My pastor at Revolution Church told us that a pastor friend of his once told him that BUSY can be thought of as BEING UNDER SATAN'S YOKE. ....but in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus calls us to TAKE up His and be joined indefinitely to Him. I've been given the visual and even the explanation, but just like Matthew 13 with the parable of the sower, you have to be ready to RECEIVE it before you'll understand it. Dr. Phil would say that the first step is admitting that you need help :) I need help getting to my tummy. I know some of you ladies are thinking, "OUCH!..I hate being on my stomach" Believe me when I say this to all you concerned women, there's not a whole lot there to make that position painful. If I just disappointed my future husband, keep looking buddy, cuz if you're just stopping by for that, you don't deserve me.

I've tried to start off my morning with the thought that the first thing I read should be His word. My mirror is outlined with 24 pieces of scripture, and believe me, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in the little things that carry great weight. I've tried pulling out my journal and reflecting on life waking up an hour before I need to. The truth is, I just want tummy time. I want to lay on my stomach unable to see what's behind me. I don't want to think about dishes that need to be done, groceries that need to be bought, grad school papers, or even what some would call good deeds. They're just filthy rags in His eyes anyway. I love what I do, but I want at least 5 minutes of tummy time every day. That may be too much to ask as I may fail to get there, or once there fall asleep that way. If that makes me a dork, so be it. I feel like I just answered one of those "tell me something I don't know about you" kind of things on a dating website. Never been there and don't ever intend to, but yes an interesting fact about me is that I LOVE to lay on my stomach. ...and if I don't make it to my tummy I want five minutes on my back deck with a coffee mug in my hand. I have a dream deck and I haven't a clue when it will be my reality. I want a hammock, a swing, a grill (with smoke coming out of it and a man flipping my burgers...not because I can't but because there's just something about a man grilling out) and an herb garden because I LOVE to cook. I don't want to be bothered by bees near my patio furniture either. And when I have those five minutes I don't need my Bible, journal, or school books. I just want to sit and take in His size and the fact that I'm enveloped in His love. I ask, "Why does the sun always appear to rise and set from east to west?" God responds as I allow time to notice Him in EVERYTHING, "To show the expanse of my love for YOU." Psalm 103:11-16 My dream deck remains a dream, but the good news is... Tummy time is far less expensive :) Wish me luck! ...and find yours. Find your thing in life that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. ...until you're in that place, that position of relaxation, that moment where it just hits you.

Embracing 3 D's

Delay or denial? There is no question that God is in both. I don't know the circumstances of my readers, but I will tell you with complete confidence that there is another D in which God dwells. DELIGHT! God only allows me to stare at my pieces long enough to be reminded that He sees the bigger picture. Like a puzzle; He sees the top of the box. For me, today has been a much needed day of relaxation and reflection. I allowed time to dig into His word, to journal, and a large portion of my day was spent blogging. Delight yourself in the LORD.

Tonight I drove to the post office to find a letter from one of the young women I minister to. She is a 17 year old girl in jail... who is my heart. I've invested in that kid for over a year and she has been one of my wisest investments. Upon reading the conclusion to her letter, I was in tears. It was almost like a postscript for my heart. She wrote, "Oh, and Never believe it was all you. God was in it. You have evidence. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Whether Delay or Denial it was all for a reason. Me being one. I love you so much." She's going through one of the toughest seasons of her life and if it weren't for him she never would have been a thought in my head. I pray she'll be out here serving the Lord with me soon. Who's ministering to who? You see, I chose to keep a promise to a man expecting nothing in return. I became to the world exactly what I set myself up for. I became a joke, the object of an unspoken I TOLD YOU SO, and so many urged me to give up on him. Never did I flinch....and I carry no regrets. I was never afraid of being wrong, because those who chose to fix their eyes on my belief had overlooked the beauty that was added to my life because I CHOSE to love, support, and encourage him in his faith...being a woman of weighty promises. If you are ever interested in visiting the unvisited inmates of Georgia please contact me. Delight yourself in the LORD.

Leaving from the post office I drove to Goodwill and was reminded of my nightly drives fighting in prayer for the men of Phillips State Prison. So I drove out to the prison and prayed that every man in there would call upon one Father, and they would each become a giant for God. I prayed that those in the Transitional Center would leave that place, and make their families proud always pointing to His love and faithfulness. If God places it on your heart, I collect whites and hygiene products year-round to deliver to Phillips State. Delight yourself in the LORD.

Arriving at home I checked my mail and I had a letter from a project director of Compassion International in Honduras. She was informing me that my 7 year old Lissi would no longer be a part of the project, but she wanted to thank me for the 4 years I had allowed myself to invest in her. If ever you want to reach out to a child and change a life ask me about Compassion International. Delight yourself in the LORD.

It is estimated that 375 young girls are sexually exploited in the state of Georgia each month. Right now I am looking into companies to produce bracelets carrying the title of one of my poems LOUDER desiring to give a large portion of my profits to Street Grace. If you are not yet aware of this cause, do yourself a favor and gain perspective in your circumstances tonight. Visit stopthecandyshop.com and find out how you can get involved. ...and be praying for this endeavor because whether it be bracelets, key chains, or journals I know it will have Kingdom impact. A few years ago a representative from Not For Sale offered to help me out. Delight yourself in the LORD.

I want you to notice that EVERY story I shared with you tonight is ugly far before it is beautiful, but the BEAUTY far outweighs the ugly. God uses EVERYTHING! That same young woman writes from her cell, "I've been thinking of my future. You are in it. In my wedding, my church, my graduation, my child's birth...everything." She doesn't know when she's coming home, but she knows what she wants home to look like. She looks at me and sees home. I don't know the details of any of those inside and that's a gift, because I was hired to love period. Who am I to deserve that love? "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Pslalm 34:7 So embrace the D's in your life. Much like rejection, denial is His protection. Delay is often God's way of testing you to reveal whether you are living for the reward or if He truly is your great reward...the promise or the promiser, the gift or the gift-giver. Delight is a prescription for JOY. Delight yourself in the LORD!

Daily Allowance

Upon reading the title of this blog your heart may be experiencing palpitations of unexplained excitement. For some who know me well, you may be saying, "Finally! She's going to write for the public eye." Well, sort of. Much like me in the eyes of my Creator, my books are a work in progress. For others, it may appear that I have developed a site for daily devotions. The first group would be closest with their assumptions, but I promise the rest of you will not be completely disappointed DAILY :) So why such a title? To that I would ask, "Have you met me?" Busy is an understatement. I am only 29, not married, no children, and YES my life is still busy.

On the Internet, you will find a plethora of definitions for the word ALLOWANCE. It is a fixed or allotted amount of something. Jesus Christ is my promised manna. I'm sure at times it would appear that He's not enough, either in my words or actions, but at the end of the day, that statement holds true. If you're honest with yourself, the allowance given you isn't always enough in your eyes either. So yes, Jesus will be talked about on this blog, as will my Father in Heaven. In fact, I have always found it much more comfortable to publicly say God, than the name of Jesus. But His name is powerful so I allow myself to take in the awkwardness and loudly live for His name. In life you give allowance, much like God gave us Himself in the form of His son. I think my parents gave me 25 cents for dishes and $5 to clean both levels of our house. The difference is seen in the expectations. God freely gives and the outpouring of His provision can neither be contained, nor matched. You are a steward of EVERYTHIING placed in your path, whether that be time, money, or even people. You cannot produce more time in your day, but you allow time for what you desire most.

What if you chose to do this day differently? What if you woke up and decided to allow five minutes to cry every kind of tear? I would struggle to make my deadline. I would cry tears of sadness over the loss of a man I chose to believe in for over 3 1/2 years of my life, who never reached a place to love and lead me well... even while in prison. I'd cry tears of joy over the beauty added to my life as I now step into the stories of kids in our local jails and prisons helping them to see that with God they can scale any wall. And I would smile to know that I have been obedient in everything and it was because of that man that God allowed me to see an open door. Not one word, one letter, one prayer wasted...for in ME God grew gumption giving me the character to commit and complete something I would know by no other avenue. I would cry tears of frustration over relationships, work, debt, an overabundance of uncertainty in life. But then God would drown out all those tears with Himself and His certainty in that very same life. I would begin to cry tears of gratitude that I am beautiful because I know I AM. Being thankful for the cross, undeserving of His love, and overwhelmed by His relentless pursuit...I would cry. What if God changed the order of my tears? Perspective is EVERYTHING.

You make an allowance for what you most desire. What if you allowed time to send an encouraging message over Facebook, or picked up a pen and wrote a friend? What if you allowed time to invest in a child in a far off land who doesn't even speak your language? What if you bought popsicles for your son or daughter to hand out to the neighbor kids as they got off of the bus? What if you purchased a package of waters and fresh grapes for the hard-working men along side our roads? What if you allowed time to visit a man, woman, or child in a local jail or prison just to show them the love of God? What if you allowed time to observe a child's wonder discovering his or her hands? What if you allowed time to educate yourself on something new? What if you allowed time to visit a new restaurant in a town you know nothing about, and sat down with a people you never took the time to notice? What if you asked God to help you accomplish just ONE of these things today? Don't focus on the number of words I wrote but the POSSIBILITIES that lie within. What if you actually lived a life of John 3:30? "He must become GREATER; I must become less."