IN the Word but not OF the WORD

Thinking back, I'm sure you can recall a pastor or two teaching about how Christians are to be IN the world but not OF the world. My fear is that too many of us get this but do not fully grasp the weight of it. How do I know? We proclaim His cause, but do we chase His character? Matthew 7:16 promises that a person's fruit will tell their story. God gets all the glory in mine, and I have to tell you that I am so glad He made it colorful even when I fail to see beyond the ugly. I say it all the time and I mean it with everything in me. The ONLY kind of LOVE for me is the kind that doesn't always look like love. Would you settle for less than the Creator who understands those pieces in your hands? Think about it. Now ask yourself one of the most powerful questions fully loaded and ready to change your life. Am I IN the Word but not of the WORD? "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1:1-5

You want to be misunderstood? Get in the Word, or better yet, let Him get into you. If you know me you've heard me say time and time again that I'm NOT supposed to make sense to the world. I love with the inexplicable kind of love where He gets all the glory. He gets ALL of me because He's the only one who gets all of me...if ya know what I mean. I will warn you that I have been crawling out of my skin with excitement to write this post today. Why? Because I have come to a place in my life where His Word is an undeniable part of ME. I am OF the WORD. Human and His. ....and I have a story. If you're not living a life worth telling stories about you are merely surviving, and it's time to start living.

My prayer is that this post will challenge you to your core, suck the dead out of you, and breathe life back into you. A breath of fresh air. If you do not know my story, look for yours. If you do, I'll warn you that this is a potential chill producer. This is where I break out into song with "Our God is an Awesome God..." I'll spare you and save it for Him. If you are IN the Word and not OF the WORD, I have news for you. He doesn't have all of you. You're still casting stones at old sin, praying for things long promised before you were a thought in your momma's head, and you still harbor unforgiveness even though you carry its antonym.

This Sunday I was home away from home. Sitting in a service at Revolution, listening to Jason speak, I was forewarned. I WOULD be challenged, God WOULD make asks of me that I may or may not be prepared to respond to....and by the way, my answer required a resounding YES without hesitation. In my head I'm thinking, "I've got this, I'm living ON MAP ON MISSION every day of my life, why should this be any different?" Oh, but I had no idea what lay ahead. God told me what to do, and instead of going home to Sunday dinner with my family, I grabbed my cell phone and headed to Douglasville. I only made it to Chastain Rd. before God did what he intended to do. God didn't want me to make it all the way to Preston, He just wanted my Yes and He'd handle the rest. Those who know my story, know that I made a promise to both a man and God back in 2007...and I kept it. ...but as mentioned above, I was misunderstood, judged, persecuted, called crazy, and believed to be a joke. I knew what I was doing, and I was greatly rewarded for my obedience. With almost 4 years spent inside correctional facilities, and his prayer warrior on the outside, that man knew a love that cost him NOTHING. Sound familiar? He received letters weekly, books monthly, CD's, handwritten church messages, and a deposit on the 18th of every month....just to celebrate him as I've been celebrated all my life and live to pay it forward. Circumstances are powerful, but they have nothing on prayer. That man was so soaked in prayer that he left footprints wherever he walked. I have NEVER stopped believing in him, and to the godless that makes me one of them....a fool (godless). You'd think they'd recognize that in themselves. If I am godless I'd like to hit the reset button and start over.

I was called to humble myself and apologize knowing I hadn't done anything wrong...and so I did. I sent him a text that read:

Me: "I'm going to risk losing my job because I know what I need to do. God has made it clear and I trust even if you have no compassion on me, that He will be with me. I cannot fully live out Romans 12:1 continuing to offer my body as a sacrifice if my brother has something against me Matthew 5:23. I am claiming the words of Nehemiah 1:11 over my life. I am driving from Canton to tell you I'm sorry and goodbye if you want me to. If you do not live with your parents I need to know. Please be there. I have to be back for Bible study at 5 over here. I'm afraid but not listening to my fears. Be there soon. About 12:30." An instant reply came:

Preston: "I'm out of town. Save it and just forget about me." ...and continued,

Preston: "I'm sick of this pestering."

Me: "It matters. Never have I tried to pester you. I have been sincere in everything. Read those pieces of scripture and listen to Plant the Flag at therevolution.tv and you'll understand why it matters."

Me: "I am a woman clothed with strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25. I seek the Lord with all my heart and live On Map On Mission. But it hurts to live out Romans 12:1 knowing Matthew 5:23 will always be true of you. If you could have one thing from me, what do you want more than anything? It was about having the character to commit and complete what God had asked of me. I did, but in doing so I hurt my brother."

Me: "I ask Him to tell you I'm sorry every day. I pray for you to live every day to glorify Him with your hands, lips, and life as I strive to do. I'm so sorry I hurt you Preston. I was willing to risk losing my job just to say it in your presence. Please no mo matter what you may be thinking tell me you forgive me. And tell me what you want because I am at peace with giving it to you. I don't have to understand the details of the past almost 4 years, but trust that He does."

Me: "God showed me in prayer that it was wrong of me to tell you to tell me you forgive me. I should have said tell me IF you forgive me. I want it to be sincere because you reach a place where you realize you are a carrier of it and it is a decision made FOR you, not one you make for yourself. I trust that I have your answer loud and clear. You DON'T forgive me because you're not ready to. That's God's soil not mine. He doesn't have all of you until you do. I wasn't coming because I wanted you to change your heart. That is God's business as well. Unless you initiate, it will just change the way I pray for you, but I will say no more till then."

God told me that day that no longer would I be allowed to beat myself up over his unforgiveness. I drove back to my parent's house and I knew I had to get rid of those messages because there is so much paralysis in analysis. I pulled out my journal and wrote God a letter. Inside I told Him that I had done what was asked of me and it was all in His hands. I would cover his ugly words with truth and wait. I tore out the pages of my journal, folded it, and placed it in an envelope. I sealed it with "I surrender! Issaiah 55:8-11 10/9/11 I told God I wouldn't break the seal until the day my prayer was answered and he forgave me. I covered the ugly with the beautiful that is so much a part OF me. Hebrews 3:4,6 Hebrews 13:1-3 Hebrews 12:3 Hebrews 11:1 Nehemiah 1:11 James 3:17-18 Romans 4: 20-21 Luke 7:47 Ecclesiastes 3:11 Galatians 6:9 Romans 8:28 Romans 8:25 Romans 4:18 Proverbs 31:25 Galatians 5:22 1 John 4: 16-21 Romans 12:1 Matthew 5:23.....and I waited.

It has been exactly 3 days and at 6:56am this morning I received a text saying, "...I have forgiven you" I was in instant tears at His faithfulness. I sent him a smile and then took a picture of the power of his words so he could see it in my face. My last words were, "You just made me cry at work after coming from my morning drive praying for you. Thank you sweet man :) YOU made my day, week, year, and heart's prayer TODAY. My eyes say it all as the lyrics from my head surfaced singing inside, "You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Father in Heaven." I pray as always that you glorify Him with your HANDS, LIPS, AND LIFE. He gets all the glory in my story. And I smile to know He has ALL of you because there's so much power in saying it. I say that shaking and standing in awe of His faithfulness.

You may be thinking, "Why share such a personal story?" ....because you just might find yours within it. Maybe digging into God's Word is an item on a checklist for you, and not yet a part OF you. Maybe you've been harboring unforgiveness for far too long...and you'll be inspired to see it for what it is (a decision made FOR you) and act on it. Maybe you're seeking restoration and you've been hurt by words that just need to be sealed up and covered with truth. I don't know your story....but He does. God alone brought us restoration, and God alone gets the glory. My prayer was answered. His words matter, because he matters. I have never been angry with him or torn him down with my words. He is my brother, and I light up when I tell our story. I believe in that man to this day. I believe in miracles, and I have seen the power of prayer. This isn't the movies. I'm not gonna tell you that ALL was made beautiful again. What I will tell you, is that I have seen WAY too much to doubt. For a season or a lifetime, neither that man, nor this journey will be forgotten.