Clothed with Stories....THEY CHOSE ME!

This morning I awoke to find myself singing praises to our God and King. This is not a rare occurrence, so whoever you are out there...be forewarned. I was singing lyrics my life in Christ has written into me. God is busy adding beauty to your life even when you don't recognize it as such. Yesterday was an early morning for me after roughly 4 1/2 hours driving around picking up items for my guys at Phillips State Prison on my way to Canton. Who knew boxers could be so scarce in Walmart of all places. After visiting 4 Walmarts, 1 Kmart, a handful of dollar stores....and a partridge in a pear tree...it was finished at about 6:30am.

What a night, but Oh what a morning! Chalked full of powerful prayer for brothers once pursuing my heart..now at a great distance. For the day's endeavor serving with 12stone and visiting yet another home away from home...Phillips State Prison. For things I can and cannot see God doing in my life, and the things I fail each day to understand and choose instead to surrender. For God's hand upon my life, His favor bold and bright claiming me as His own...and giving me the honor of being a voice for some of his favorite groups of people...the LEAST, LOST, and REJECTED. Jesus loved the poor...so that's where my time should find me. Jesus visited the prisoners, so each week a seat is saved for me. Jesus sought the rejected and reminded them of their worth, so I too am called to get their attention with His truth. It is a dangerous but beautiful prayer to pray, "God break my heart for what breaks yours."

Gratitude in the form of a heart deep smile found it's way to my face from a precious moment shared with a Walmart Employee. I was a beautiful mess. Esther was my cashier and her name reminds me of a story of one who shares that same name. She asked me how I was and I responded, "Pretty good." I quickly corrected myself with, "I'm sorry. I'm not pretty good, I'm fabulous. Let me tell you why." I proceeded to tell her what I get to be a part of. She grabbed my hands and said, "Bless you." Walking away I pointed back at her saying, "For such a time as this." With a smile she echoed it back to me. "...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this." Esther 4:14.

I have to tell you that it is a beautiful thing when you reach the place standing up in life saying with great conviction, "If I perish, I perish." I haven't always been there. No, it was only when I fully embraced that I was made BY Him and FOR Him...that I could. Honestly, for me it began when God asked me in 2000 to sponsor a child. By far one of my greatest investments made. You see, I truly believe that I am simply a steward of all that is in my path for a season. Whether that be time, money, material things, or even people. When you arrive, suddenly marriage is just another beautiful chance to steward...but if it never comes, my mission is the same. Children are unexpected gifts to add beauty to my life and steward well...but it matters not whether they come from me, or claim my heart as their own.

Perspective is everything. I can't tell you the day I grabbed hold of this truth for all it's weight and worth...but I know that it was shortly after November 18, 2007 that I began to live a powerful message. That was not the day I accepted Christ, but for me it is valued no less than that night in 2000. 11/18/07 was the day I looked down at a bracelet from the hand of a brother, and from the heart of my God, saying, "God you're up to something." And He was, is, and always will be. The red band upon my wrist read, "ON MAP ON MISSION 12stone Church." Today I often look down at my now engraved ring carrying that same message, and say, "God I don't know what you're up to BUT I'm in!"

Driving from Canton, GA, I was in tears with only 15 minutes left till reaching home. I was in tears because I had just spoken with a woman who shares my heart. She must have prayed many similar prayers, because God has broken her heart with all that breaks His. She was telling me about how the lobby of 12stone has the same bracelets I wear each day, because our church desires to tell the story of the men down the street. And I just broke after hanging up. I fell apart in praise, because I, along with someone from the inside have always had a vision of 12stone adopting Phillips State. In fact, every man and woman there the first time we met the Men of Redemption, would tell you God moved that day. After telling a friend that I'm not the kind of person to have a mountain top experience and walk away, and I wanted to know their needs year round, she told me their Christmas party could be cancelled due to the economy. I told her I didn't know how but I would throw them a party. I knew I had a really big God on my side, and a huge church with willing hands. I contacted a set of sisters and asked if maybe their small group would want to help out with this amazing project. They were IN before I got the full description of what it would entail out. While at church one Sunday I walked out of the Hamilton Mill campus when God prompted me to walk back in and go talk to our pastor Kevin Queen. I was about midsentence when he asked for the receipts for the pizza saying he wanted to be a part of it. All I can say, is the same 4 words that have always described my life, still do. AND THEN HE MOVED. In that moment I thanked Him once again for Preston, for our ugly but beautiful story, and for all the ways He has used me since 11/18/07.

I am a woman clothed with stories...on purpose. Make no mistake, I know what I'm wearing, and the hands behind it all KNOW me. In fact THEY CHOSE ME. I never want to be caught without a story. You may wonder what I mean by this. My index finger carries the story of my life ON MAP ON MISSION, the purse I carry...a blessing of a day shared with my oldest Compassion child, the earrings in my ears a reminder of the beauties at the beach in Brazil and the battle against sexual exploitation and the selling of children into prostitution. My neck is usually adorned with necklaces from kids all over the world, or the men inside the walls of Phillips State. My wrist carry stories from Honduras, Brazil, and Guyana. BUT the greatest of these is LOVE. So beyond the stories I wear on the outside, I live to tell the story I carry on the inside of a God who abandoned His own son for a moment because He saw my face and couldn't bear to look away until He knew He could bring me home...no matter the cost. Getting ready this morning I smiled as God had added yet more beauty to my life after another day at Phillips State. My bathroom is full of jewelry made by the level four men of Phillips State. ...and now yet another mission as my students begin to write letters to the TREASURE BOX FILLERS not knowing they are impacting the same men who grabbed my heart. THEY CHOSE ME!

After a morning of corporate worship in the presence of thousands, we went to battle as members of a yearly pledge but a lifestyle of COMPASSION IN ACTION. Having been to see the guys a few times before, I was assigned the job of picking up Chick-fil-A sandwiches and to my surprise children's toys. You see, the men I spent my day with have a very special place in my heart...and His. I believe there were men in my presence who know Him, but do not know their own name. Hair unkept, long nails, clothing not their own...a reality we do not know. I noticed an immediate blessing seeing first names on their clothing, while correctional facilities do not usually acknowledge the names they were given. After passing our their lunches, we each walked over to take our seat and share a meal with them. I hesitated sitting down with a man who I thought at the time was only about 10 years older than me. I didn't want to be a distraction, and he had eyes that reminded me of someone close to me who has no desire to know me anymore. ...but I strive to be His YES woman living with no hesitation on my lips or in my heart and mind. Sitting down I learned their names. W and T had me at hello. W is my age. He hadn't had a Chick-fil-A sandwich in 11 years. In a moment talking about material things I learned that he once had a Nokia on the outside, but hadn't a clue what an iphone was. He was amazed by my description of texting with T9 and even more than that Swype. He has an 11 year old son whom he signed the birth certificate for and held for a moment. Now he gets one visit with him each month. He is an artist and his body tells only part of his story. In 2015 when he maxes out on his time, he hopes to go into landscaping or construction. He told me that before I mentioned it, he had never thought to ask his son to draw him anything to see if he just might have the same gift as his father. I could tell from the way he was with T that he was like a gentle guardian. From the abrasive storms that rage within and all around him in his reality, this man appeared to be in his 40's. My brother W is only 29. When we played Bingo, they each had two cards and he quickly passed one over to me. We both helped T.

T doesn't know how old he is. With the mind of a 3rd grader, he is as sweet as can be. He is dependent upon W for his safety and W willingly takes the job. Someday I hope to have the chance to find out if He knows the LORD. Appearing to be around 75, I soon found out I could be looking into the face of my dad...as he was born in 1959. My heart hurt. T won Bingo 3 times and lit up like a child on Christmas day. Worried about his Jolly Ranchers being stolen, W reassured him that he had his back. W says he will never step foot in another correctional facility once released...and I believe him. Reminding me of a stray cat grooming his face, this other man with eyes like the blue of the sea...I knew it would take many visits to learn his story. I would shake my head and he would copy me and smile like a two year old who had just learned how to say No. W and T had inside jokes and a special way with each other. T would say, "I run this" and smile. Before we left I prayed over W and later prayed over all of the men among us, and their angel who adds beauty to their lives daily. Some may say that place is ugly, but I can tell you that it is one of my favorite places to watch the sun set. I can tell you that when I drive out there to pray for the men inside I have confidence that more and more are beginning to call on ONE Father. I can tell you that while men can lose their life over $5, and riots can break out within seconds, there are good things happening inside. Men inside choose families on the outside to give the gift of Thanksgiving dinner to. Men inside make jewelry and crafts of all kinds simply to stay busy and be a blessing in the waiting. I don't get to, nor do I want to know the details of the crimes these men are charged with. I know the world would look in and see me sharing a meal with men convicted of sodomy, rape, armed robbery, drug charges, child molestation, aggravated assault etc. I do know the specific crimes of the two I sat down with and knowing this only changes how I pray, but never keeps me from stepping in. Jesus wouldn't run. There are many in my life who would instantly want to rescue me and protect me upon knowing...so you never will. Whether guilty or innocent, the years they lost inside they will never get back, so this is a small way they can live a life of significance and make a difference adding beauty to another. Yes, I KNOW the beauty behind the beads I wear...and THEY CHOSE ME.

I don't know how many days I have left on this Earth, but as one of my pastors always reminds us, I choose significance over success...because success always finds me, even if taking a different form than the world may claim. This Christmas I am asking that friends and family would be prayerful about asking how they might challenge themselves to make a new investment. In what? No, in whom? Well, to start, I will continue to take up collections of hygiene products and boxers for Phillips State, but I will box up what I have on the 18th of every month. As for Christmas, I have as an advocate and voice for children of Compassion International, requested that 18 packets be sent to my house so that I may bless in the form of relationships. Beginning on November 18, 2011 and ending December 18, 2011 I hope to find, or better yet, be found by brothers and sisters in Christ who want to invest in the life of a child. My Christmas mission simply called "18 BLESSINGS." He gets all the glory in my story. I just get their attention with His truth. To love, listen, and lift...IS to truly know you LIVE and do not merely survive each day.

...and so I sang with tears welling up in my eyes from the purest place within, "I wanna live to tell their story. I wanna give you all the glory. Lord use me now."