The words from the ONE who considers my every sigh. Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there! I pray you feel celebrated, respected, and loved by all who cross your path...no more today than any other. Lately I've been asking God, 'How will I ever see you in ______ again?" For me, that blank would be filled in with "another relationship." God answered my heart today. "By his FRUIT. You'll know by his FRUIT." It was kind of funny how it all came about for me. Today is Father's Day, and when you are in love with a man, truly believing you'll never have to date another, naturally he finds a place in your heart and surfaces at the most opportune and inopportune times. I drove to church and I just have to say God has a crazy but often frustrating sense of humor, and I've learned to expect and even welcome it to interrupt my life. I am not my own and I was made by Him and for Him.
In June of 2009, I received a letter from that man writing from the perspective of his circumstances. I wanted to not only be done with him, but I wanted his name out of my life. God did far more than just call me into prison ministry because of him. After over 3 1/2 years, I have NO regrets. God uses EVERYTHING! God said no in the most beautiful and painful ways...and that was not the first time I said I was done and God said I was not. His letter was written on Father's Day.
So on June 28th of 2009, I was up at my mom's and decided that it was time to find a second church to call home, for the times I am away from home. I typed in Canton churches and the first to pop up was REVOLUTION CHURCH. I look at three things when visiting a church site. I want to know the beliefs, the vision, and I want to hear a message from a past teaching. I clicked over to the message archive and said out loud, "Of course God, Pastor Preston Porter. You're funny." That would have been an immediate turnoff seeing the pastor carry the same name I wanted out of my life, but something in me said to check it out. It appeared that maybe he was just a guest pastor as they searched for a new pastor. I didn't want him to be there, but I just knew. I walked in and I just knew he'd be speaking. Sure enough, it read, "Pastor Preston Porter Connections Pastor." Everything in me wanted to walk out, but God said no. He walked on the stage and again I said, "Of course he's about 6 ft 8 inches and looks like he could be Preston's brother or even twin. You're funny God." I'm glad I didn't walk out that day, because Revolution is incredible. The music is inviting toward men, believing that if you get the leader, the family will follow. The messages are real, raw, honest, and Bible based. The staff are all welcoming, and the vision is amazing. I am proud to call Revolution my home. ...Though I love it, this is not a promo for my church ;) ...it's about what God spoke to my heart on that soil.
The last thing I needed today, was to not only have his name in my path, but for this to be the day that our new pastor Jason Gerdes didn't speak...and for Pastor Porter to stand in for him. BUT it was exactly what I needed all at the same time. He's usually the first to greet me after walking through the door, and usually the one to pray before the service. I know Pastor Preston Porter by his fruit. I didn't go to school with him, or have any sense of history with his name in my path. I volunteered to serve by loving on the babies while their parents attended church. I used to rock his little girl Whitney and tell her how much God loved her..often singing or humming worship songs to her. I was one of the only women who could give her her bottle without her spitting it up, because she had a sensitive stomach and I remained sensitive to her needs. Whitney had to be burped after every ounce in the beginning, or she'd lose every ounce. Pastor Porter's wife, Laney, would stop in to see her, but she'd hide so she wouldn't cry. Preston would do the same, but there was no hiding him, so he would smile at her, or just check on her and walk out.
I am a huge people watcher, and I know Pastor Porter by his fruit. Laney is loved and respected, and in return she honors him with everything she has in her...even with 4 kids. The two of them are a beautiful picture of God's design for our lives in marriage, as mothers and fathers, and as children of God. Preston's wife knows she's loved, and you can feel it in her presence. She is both his bride and best friend. ...and his kids know that he will NEVER leave them. They all look like their daddy and their daddy's fruit says he has ONE Father. Jesus knew abandonment, so we would never have to. Our God is in relentless pursuit of us, being the prime example of how we should love our kids. My pastor, Kevin Myers of 12stone says, "Your past may help to explain you, but it doesn't excuse you." If only more fathers would allow that truth to sink in, I wouldn't be visiting so many fatherless young men and women in our local jails and prisons.
Matthew 7:16 says, "By their fruit you will recognize them." The word for fruit there is KARPOS. It appears in the New Testament 66 times. In classical Greek it means literally "fruit" product, result, gain. The Hebrew word is the fruit of trees, and in Matthew 7:16, the literal and figurative converge. In this passage of scripture it is referring to false prophets. AKARPOS would translate to "unfruitful." What God spoke to my heart was that no matter his name whether it be that God would put the man I have loved all these years in a place to love and lead me well, or another...I WILL know him by his FRUIT and be confident of God's presence. My pastor, Kevin Myers says, "You behave what you believe." It is not enough to believe in what a man is capable of bearing for fruit. The fact is we are always producing fruit, but the condition is dependent upon what we plant in our lives. I still believe in that man to this day, and I know I have planted well in him. I strive to plant His word in my life, and be about the things of His heart. A woman should see a man's fruit. She should see the result of his planting knowing we don't grow ANYTHING. Some may say that fruit is not about how a person acts, but in the the message they carry. To that I would say that I pray that even strangers would be able to see the message I carry without me opening my mouth. A message of HOPE. I live to get their attention with His truth. God uses gifts of photography, writing, and the passion for prison ministry and the poor to work through me. ...but if my message is not clear, I have failed. I cannot do anything to cause God to love me more. He knows all of my thoughts and loves me anyway. That same word KARPOS is used in John 15:5. "I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit (karpos) he prunes so that it will bear even more fruit."
Pastor Porter's message was entitled, "The Son Knows the Father." He spoke about how we should lavish love on our kids far before we discipline them. He talked about the message he wants to communicate to his son, by using a story about his reaction to drinks spilling. He knows that ultimately he is only a steward of his kids, but he stewards well. I am confident that both Pastor Porter and Pastor Myers are raising kids who will produce fruit with Kingdom impact, because they are planting for a huge harvest.
Whether God decides to move mountains in my story with Preston, or begin a new chapter with a new love, I trust Him with the details. I'm thankful to have so many pastors in my life to demonstrate God's design. Pastors Preston Porter, Kevin Myers, Kevin Queen, Dan Self, Jason Gerdes...just to name a few. A man who is practicing faithfulness long before marriage, who is working with the understanding that someday he will be called to provide, is serving a cause he is passionate about, stewarding and planting well, and allowing God center stage in every arena of life...that is KARPOS, and should be the desire of every woman's heart. "By his FRUIT," I hear you God. Continue to mold me into a Proverbs 31 woman."
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Speechless
Speechless! That about sums it up. Speechless in a good way. Speechless in utter HELPLESSNESS.
You see, I have what I call THE CLOSET PROJECT inside of my house. Having people move in and out pretty much my whole six years of owning it, I have accumulated what at times could appear to be a replica of Mt. Kilamanjaro. Have I ever been there? No! ...but it sounds huge. I mean really, it could KILL A MAN. Sorry, I had to. I could run a school out of my house or pack it all up and move it to another country. Though I am the kind of teacher who could run it with a few whiteboards and notecards. Oh, and post-its. Those are vital. :) So in "finishing" this never-ending project, I discovered that I still had old rosters from my very first youth group I led back in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There were of course pictures, and all the sentimentals you as a leader should save. Google spell check is not liking the fact that sentimental has been turned into a plural, so I may have claimed ownership over a new word. Anyway, the reason I have so much in my closet is because I am keeping two closets worth of stuff in there to leave space for any guests in my house, but also because I find meaning in the littlest things. With my wooden hope chest I've learned to say, "Will my daughter care to see that I have my dried flowers from the prom date whom I asked to prom? Will my daughter care that I have thousands of pictures from college etc?" You get the point. I don't have a daughter, but she has a name in case God ever decides to bless me with a baby girl. Just don't want my kid to carry a name that is associated with that kid in my second grade class who________. Fill in the blank however you wish. As a teacher I had to claim her name early. My husband has no say in that department, but whoever you are don't cry because I've reserved your son's name for you to choose. ...but I do have final say for the same reasons mentioned above.
So, I pulled out those old rosters and wondered how many of my girls would be on Facebook. As it turns out, I found almost every one of them, and they remembered me. My girls are 21, 22 etc. Some are married, some divorced, and some have children. This is 6 years of youth ministry before I dove into prison ministry. That's a lot of kids! I was speechless seeing their beautiful faces, hearing their stories, and finding out that some of them are even going to college at UNI and possibly staying in my dorm.
Digging a little deeper through old files, I discovered letters and pictures from a little girl I met on a TN mission trip back in college. I invested in her for a few years as her life was nowhere close to easy. I became even more speechless as I may have also found her on Facebook. She's sixteen or so now, and possibly has a baby. My babies are having babies long before me. Speechless!
My night ended in utter helplessness as I arrived to the jail to find that my sweet girl had lost her smile. I sat down and with tears welling up in her eyes... I was speechless. It would be on that night that she would have to make a decision for her life. What you have to understand is that I NEVER would have imagined adding the number of words I've had to add to my vocabulary over the years. I never would have imagined that I would carry words like: hearings, motions, plea agreements, trials, sentencing terms, holding cell, or acronyms like TPM. I know them all very well, though I myself have never lived the reality associated with each to the extent of those in my path. I don't know details, and I can't help make life decisions not having those details...so I just show up and do as I'm called. I'm called to get their attention with His truth. In Genesis that job to hate was already filled. I wasn't hired for it. I signed on to love period. All I could think was, "Holy Spirit speak. Give me the words her heart needs most, or call me to silence and I will simply listen." "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21. I know nothing of the cases for most of my kids, but I know background when it comes to their childhood. One of my kids was homeless at the age of 9. In moments like these, it feels as if anything coming out would just sound like some kind of Christian bumper sticker. But there's power in, "Look at me! I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." She knows that unless my unnamed husband takes me to another state, I'm in for the long haul. I'm not gonna lie. It's painful, but you don't walk out on the people you love when it starts to rain. This kid is my heart. I reminded her that if anyone can do _____ years SHE can. That if ____ happens she will accept it and know that for whatever reason she is to be a giant for God on THAT soil. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works for the good of ALL things. Sometimes you just need to rest in that even when you don't understand it and let your mind and heart catch up. In Warren Wiersbe's book, Be Mature: Growing up in Christ, he says, "Because we are God's "scattered" people and not God's "sheltered" people, we must experience trials." But then he goes on to say that we should be reminded in James 1:1-11 to COUNT, KNOW, LET, and ASK. We prayed and then I entered that LONG hallway telling myself over and over that God works all through the night. I don't know what will happen to some of my kids as some are hoping to get out in 2025, some are just in and out like a revolving door, and others are looking at life and life without parole. God is on EVERY soil. As I always say,"My God is NO smaller today." My pastor, Jason Gerdes, asked us if we would ever consider driving to a jail or prison and offer to be yoked with an inmate. We all have known prison, and some of us can even name our prisons. Why not? If I can't do as he asks literally, I pray that stepping into these stories matters just as much when it comes to Kingdom impact. It's not about me, because I was made FOR Him and BY Him. I just try to love out of the overflow in my life knowing there is nothing I could do to cause Him to love me less and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing I can do to cause Him to love me more. My pastor would say that it's all about His ISness. :)
You see, I have what I call THE CLOSET PROJECT inside of my house. Having people move in and out pretty much my whole six years of owning it, I have accumulated what at times could appear to be a replica of Mt. Kilamanjaro. Have I ever been there? No! ...but it sounds huge. I mean really, it could KILL A MAN. Sorry, I had to. I could run a school out of my house or pack it all up and move it to another country. Though I am the kind of teacher who could run it with a few whiteboards and notecards. Oh, and post-its. Those are vital. :) So in "finishing" this never-ending project, I discovered that I still had old rosters from my very first youth group I led back in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There were of course pictures, and all the sentimentals you as a leader should save. Google spell check is not liking the fact that sentimental has been turned into a plural, so I may have claimed ownership over a new word. Anyway, the reason I have so much in my closet is because I am keeping two closets worth of stuff in there to leave space for any guests in my house, but also because I find meaning in the littlest things. With my wooden hope chest I've learned to say, "Will my daughter care to see that I have my dried flowers from the prom date whom I asked to prom? Will my daughter care that I have thousands of pictures from college etc?" You get the point. I don't have a daughter, but she has a name in case God ever decides to bless me with a baby girl. Just don't want my kid to carry a name that is associated with that kid in my second grade class who________. Fill in the blank however you wish. As a teacher I had to claim her name early. My husband has no say in that department, but whoever you are don't cry because I've reserved your son's name for you to choose. ...but I do have final say for the same reasons mentioned above.
So, I pulled out those old rosters and wondered how many of my girls would be on Facebook. As it turns out, I found almost every one of them, and they remembered me. My girls are 21, 22 etc. Some are married, some divorced, and some have children. This is 6 years of youth ministry before I dove into prison ministry. That's a lot of kids! I was speechless seeing their beautiful faces, hearing their stories, and finding out that some of them are even going to college at UNI and possibly staying in my dorm.
Digging a little deeper through old files, I discovered letters and pictures from a little girl I met on a TN mission trip back in college. I invested in her for a few years as her life was nowhere close to easy. I became even more speechless as I may have also found her on Facebook. She's sixteen or so now, and possibly has a baby. My babies are having babies long before me. Speechless!
My night ended in utter helplessness as I arrived to the jail to find that my sweet girl had lost her smile. I sat down and with tears welling up in her eyes... I was speechless. It would be on that night that she would have to make a decision for her life. What you have to understand is that I NEVER would have imagined adding the number of words I've had to add to my vocabulary over the years. I never would have imagined that I would carry words like: hearings, motions, plea agreements, trials, sentencing terms, holding cell, or acronyms like TPM. I know them all very well, though I myself have never lived the reality associated with each to the extent of those in my path. I don't know details, and I can't help make life decisions not having those details...so I just show up and do as I'm called. I'm called to get their attention with His truth. In Genesis that job to hate was already filled. I wasn't hired for it. I signed on to love period. All I could think was, "Holy Spirit speak. Give me the words her heart needs most, or call me to silence and I will simply listen." "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21. I know nothing of the cases for most of my kids, but I know background when it comes to their childhood. One of my kids was homeless at the age of 9. In moments like these, it feels as if anything coming out would just sound like some kind of Christian bumper sticker. But there's power in, "Look at me! I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." She knows that unless my unnamed husband takes me to another state, I'm in for the long haul. I'm not gonna lie. It's painful, but you don't walk out on the people you love when it starts to rain. This kid is my heart. I reminded her that if anyone can do _____ years SHE can. That if ____ happens she will accept it and know that for whatever reason she is to be a giant for God on THAT soil. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works for the good of ALL things. Sometimes you just need to rest in that even when you don't understand it and let your mind and heart catch up. In Warren Wiersbe's book, Be Mature: Growing up in Christ, he says, "Because we are God's "scattered" people and not God's "sheltered" people, we must experience trials." But then he goes on to say that we should be reminded in James 1:1-11 to COUNT, KNOW, LET, and ASK. We prayed and then I entered that LONG hallway telling myself over and over that God works all through the night. I don't know what will happen to some of my kids as some are hoping to get out in 2025, some are just in and out like a revolving door, and others are looking at life and life without parole. God is on EVERY soil. As I always say,"My God is NO smaller today." My pastor, Jason Gerdes, asked us if we would ever consider driving to a jail or prison and offer to be yoked with an inmate. We all have known prison, and some of us can even name our prisons. Why not? If I can't do as he asks literally, I pray that stepping into these stories matters just as much when it comes to Kingdom impact. It's not about me, because I was made FOR Him and BY Him. I just try to love out of the overflow in my life knowing there is nothing I could do to cause Him to love me less and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing I can do to cause Him to love me more. My pastor would say that it's all about His ISness. :)
Tummy Time
"They" say babies should engage in tummy time so they can take a break from all of the pressure on their occipital area, to strengthen the muscles needed to push up with their arms, and eventually take off crawling. Those of you with kids know that this can be quite a chore as most babies are incredibly resistant to this task. I laughed watching my niece over Skype push up with her arms and have no interest in staying in that position. It didn't matter what Heather would do, Ellen would roll to her back. I myself don't yet have any children, but one day I'll join the tummy time struggle. So why on Earth is a single woman with no children writing about tummy time? I crave it!
It's one of those things that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. My pastor at Revolution Church told us that a pastor friend of his once told him that BUSY can be thought of as BEING UNDER SATAN'S YOKE. ....but in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus calls us to TAKE up His and be joined indefinitely to Him. I've been given the visual and even the explanation, but just like Matthew 13 with the parable of the sower, you have to be ready to RECEIVE it before you'll understand it. Dr. Phil would say that the first step is admitting that you need help :) I need help getting to my tummy. I know some of you ladies are thinking, "OUCH!..I hate being on my stomach" Believe me when I say this to all you concerned women, there's not a whole lot there to make that position painful. If I just disappointed my future husband, keep looking buddy, cuz if you're just stopping by for that, you don't deserve me.
I've tried to start off my morning with the thought that the first thing I read should be His word. My mirror is outlined with 24 pieces of scripture, and believe me, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in the little things that carry great weight. I've tried pulling out my journal and reflecting on life waking up an hour before I need to. The truth is, I just want tummy time. I want to lay on my stomach unable to see what's behind me. I don't want to think about dishes that need to be done, groceries that need to be bought, grad school papers, or even what some would call good deeds. They're just filthy rags in His eyes anyway. I love what I do, but I want at least 5 minutes of tummy time every day. That may be too much to ask as I may fail to get there, or once there fall asleep that way. If that makes me a dork, so be it. I feel like I just answered one of those "tell me something I don't know about you" kind of things on a dating website. Never been there and don't ever intend to, but yes an interesting fact about me is that I LOVE to lay on my stomach. ...and if I don't make it to my tummy I want five minutes on my back deck with a coffee mug in my hand. I have a dream deck and I haven't a clue when it will be my reality. I want a hammock, a swing, a grill (with smoke coming out of it and a man flipping my burgers...not because I can't but because there's just something about a man grilling out) and an herb garden because I LOVE to cook. I don't want to be bothered by bees near my patio furniture either. And when I have those five minutes I don't need my Bible, journal, or school books. I just want to sit and take in His size and the fact that I'm enveloped in His love. I ask, "Why does the sun always appear to rise and set from east to west?" God responds as I allow time to notice Him in EVERYTHING, "To show the expanse of my love for YOU." Psalm 103:11-16 My dream deck remains a dream, but the good news is... Tummy time is far less expensive :) Wish me luck! ...and find yours. Find your thing in life that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. ...until you're in that place, that position of relaxation, that moment where it just hits you.
It's one of those things that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. My pastor at Revolution Church told us that a pastor friend of his once told him that BUSY can be thought of as BEING UNDER SATAN'S YOKE. ....but in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus calls us to TAKE up His and be joined indefinitely to Him. I've been given the visual and even the explanation, but just like Matthew 13 with the parable of the sower, you have to be ready to RECEIVE it before you'll understand it. Dr. Phil would say that the first step is admitting that you need help :) I need help getting to my tummy. I know some of you ladies are thinking, "OUCH!..I hate being on my stomach" Believe me when I say this to all you concerned women, there's not a whole lot there to make that position painful. If I just disappointed my future husband, keep looking buddy, cuz if you're just stopping by for that, you don't deserve me.
I've tried to start off my morning with the thought that the first thing I read should be His word. My mirror is outlined with 24 pieces of scripture, and believe me, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in the little things that carry great weight. I've tried pulling out my journal and reflecting on life waking up an hour before I need to. The truth is, I just want tummy time. I want to lay on my stomach unable to see what's behind me. I don't want to think about dishes that need to be done, groceries that need to be bought, grad school papers, or even what some would call good deeds. They're just filthy rags in His eyes anyway. I love what I do, but I want at least 5 minutes of tummy time every day. That may be too much to ask as I may fail to get there, or once there fall asleep that way. If that makes me a dork, so be it. I feel like I just answered one of those "tell me something I don't know about you" kind of things on a dating website. Never been there and don't ever intend to, but yes an interesting fact about me is that I LOVE to lay on my stomach. ...and if I don't make it to my tummy I want five minutes on my back deck with a coffee mug in my hand. I have a dream deck and I haven't a clue when it will be my reality. I want a hammock, a swing, a grill (with smoke coming out of it and a man flipping my burgers...not because I can't but because there's just something about a man grilling out) and an herb garden because I LOVE to cook. I don't want to be bothered by bees near my patio furniture either. And when I have those five minutes I don't need my Bible, journal, or school books. I just want to sit and take in His size and the fact that I'm enveloped in His love. I ask, "Why does the sun always appear to rise and set from east to west?" God responds as I allow time to notice Him in EVERYTHING, "To show the expanse of my love for YOU." Psalm 103:11-16 My dream deck remains a dream, but the good news is... Tummy time is far less expensive :) Wish me luck! ...and find yours. Find your thing in life that you don't know how much you've missed it until you can define it. ...until you're in that place, that position of relaxation, that moment where it just hits you.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Embracing 3 D's
Delay or denial? There is no question that God is in both. I don't know the circumstances of my readers, but I will tell you with complete confidence that there is another D in which God dwells. DELIGHT! God only allows me to stare at my pieces long enough to be reminded that He sees the bigger picture. Like a puzzle; He sees the top of the box. For me, today has been a much needed day of relaxation and reflection. I allowed time to dig into His word, to journal, and a large portion of my day was spent blogging. Delight yourself in the LORD.
Tonight I drove to the post office to find a letter from one of the young women I minister to. She is a 17 year old girl in jail... who is my heart. I've invested in that kid for over a year and she has been one of my wisest investments. Upon reading the conclusion to her letter, I was in tears. It was almost like a postscript for my heart. She wrote, "Oh, and Never believe it was all you. God was in it. You have evidence. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Whether Delay or Denial it was all for a reason. Me being one. I love you so much." She's going through one of the toughest seasons of her life and if it weren't for him she never would have been a thought in my head. I pray she'll be out here serving the Lord with me soon. Who's ministering to who? You see, I chose to keep a promise to a man expecting nothing in return. I became to the world exactly what I set myself up for. I became a joke, the object of an unspoken I TOLD YOU SO, and so many urged me to give up on him. Never did I flinch....and I carry no regrets. I was never afraid of being wrong, because those who chose to fix their eyes on my belief had overlooked the beauty that was added to my life because I CHOSE to love, support, and encourage him in his faith...being a woman of weighty promises. If you are ever interested in visiting the unvisited inmates of Georgia please contact me. Delight yourself in the LORD.
Leaving from the post office I drove to Goodwill and was reminded of my nightly drives fighting in prayer for the men of Phillips State Prison. So I drove out to the prison and prayed that every man in there would call upon one Father, and they would each become a giant for God. I prayed that those in the Transitional Center would leave that place, and make their families proud always pointing to His love and faithfulness. If God places it on your heart, I collect whites and hygiene products year-round to deliver to Phillips State. Delight yourself in the LORD.
Arriving at home I checked my mail and I had a letter from a project director of Compassion International in Honduras. She was informing me that my 7 year old Lissi would no longer be a part of the project, but she wanted to thank me for the 4 years I had allowed myself to invest in her. If ever you want to reach out to a child and change a life ask me about Compassion International. Delight yourself in the LORD.
It is estimated that 375 young girls are sexually exploited in the state of Georgia each month. Right now I am looking into companies to produce bracelets carrying the title of one of my poems LOUDER desiring to give a large portion of my profits to Street Grace. If you are not yet aware of this cause, do yourself a favor and gain perspective in your circumstances tonight. Visit stopthecandyshop.com and find out how you can get involved. ...and be praying for this endeavor because whether it be bracelets, key chains, or journals I know it will have Kingdom impact. A few years ago a representative from Not For Sale offered to help me out. Delight yourself in the LORD.
I want you to notice that EVERY story I shared with you tonight is ugly far before it is beautiful, but the BEAUTY far outweighs the ugly. God uses EVERYTHING! That same young woman writes from her cell, "I've been thinking of my future. You are in it. In my wedding, my church, my graduation, my child's birth...everything." She doesn't know when she's coming home, but she knows what she wants home to look like. She looks at me and sees home. I don't know the details of any of those inside and that's a gift, because I was hired to love period. Who am I to deserve that love? "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Pslalm 34:7 So embrace the D's in your life. Much like rejection, denial is His protection. Delay is often God's way of testing you to reveal whether you are living for the reward or if He truly is your great reward...the promise or the promiser, the gift or the gift-giver. Delight is a prescription for JOY. Delight yourself in the LORD!
Tonight I drove to the post office to find a letter from one of the young women I minister to. She is a 17 year old girl in jail... who is my heart. I've invested in that kid for over a year and she has been one of my wisest investments. Upon reading the conclusion to her letter, I was in tears. It was almost like a postscript for my heart. She wrote, "Oh, and Never believe it was all you. God was in it. You have evidence. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Whether Delay or Denial it was all for a reason. Me being one. I love you so much." She's going through one of the toughest seasons of her life and if it weren't for him she never would have been a thought in my head. I pray she'll be out here serving the Lord with me soon. Who's ministering to who? You see, I chose to keep a promise to a man expecting nothing in return. I became to the world exactly what I set myself up for. I became a joke, the object of an unspoken I TOLD YOU SO, and so many urged me to give up on him. Never did I flinch....and I carry no regrets. I was never afraid of being wrong, because those who chose to fix their eyes on my belief had overlooked the beauty that was added to my life because I CHOSE to love, support, and encourage him in his faith...being a woman of weighty promises. If you are ever interested in visiting the unvisited inmates of Georgia please contact me. Delight yourself in the LORD.
Leaving from the post office I drove to Goodwill and was reminded of my nightly drives fighting in prayer for the men of Phillips State Prison. So I drove out to the prison and prayed that every man in there would call upon one Father, and they would each become a giant for God. I prayed that those in the Transitional Center would leave that place, and make their families proud always pointing to His love and faithfulness. If God places it on your heart, I collect whites and hygiene products year-round to deliver to Phillips State. Delight yourself in the LORD.
Arriving at home I checked my mail and I had a letter from a project director of Compassion International in Honduras. She was informing me that my 7 year old Lissi would no longer be a part of the project, but she wanted to thank me for the 4 years I had allowed myself to invest in her. If ever you want to reach out to a child and change a life ask me about Compassion International. Delight yourself in the LORD.
It is estimated that 375 young girls are sexually exploited in the state of Georgia each month. Right now I am looking into companies to produce bracelets carrying the title of one of my poems LOUDER desiring to give a large portion of my profits to Street Grace. If you are not yet aware of this cause, do yourself a favor and gain perspective in your circumstances tonight. Visit stopthecandyshop.com and find out how you can get involved. ...and be praying for this endeavor because whether it be bracelets, key chains, or journals I know it will have Kingdom impact. A few years ago a representative from Not For Sale offered to help me out. Delight yourself in the LORD.
I want you to notice that EVERY story I shared with you tonight is ugly far before it is beautiful, but the BEAUTY far outweighs the ugly. God uses EVERYTHING! That same young woman writes from her cell, "I've been thinking of my future. You are in it. In my wedding, my church, my graduation, my child's birth...everything." She doesn't know when she's coming home, but she knows what she wants home to look like. She looks at me and sees home. I don't know the details of any of those inside and that's a gift, because I was hired to love period. Who am I to deserve that love? "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Pslalm 34:7 So embrace the D's in your life. Much like rejection, denial is His protection. Delay is often God's way of testing you to reveal whether you are living for the reward or if He truly is your great reward...the promise or the promiser, the gift or the gift-giver. Delight is a prescription for JOY. Delight yourself in the LORD!
Daily Allowance
Upon reading the title of this blog your heart may be experiencing palpitations of unexplained excitement. For some who know me well, you may be saying, "Finally! She's going to write for the public eye." Well, sort of. Much like me in the eyes of my Creator, my books are a work in progress. For others, it may appear that I have developed a site for daily devotions. The first group would be closest with their assumptions, but I promise the rest of you will not be completely disappointed DAILY :) So why such a title? To that I would ask, "Have you met me?" Busy is an understatement. I am only 29, not married, no children, and YES my life is still busy.
On the Internet, you will find a plethora of definitions for the word ALLOWANCE. It is a fixed or allotted amount of something. Jesus Christ is my promised manna. I'm sure at times it would appear that He's not enough, either in my words or actions, but at the end of the day, that statement holds true. If you're honest with yourself, the allowance given you isn't always enough in your eyes either. So yes, Jesus will be talked about on this blog, as will my Father in Heaven. In fact, I have always found it much more comfortable to publicly say God, than the name of Jesus. But His name is powerful so I allow myself to take in the awkwardness and loudly live for His name. In life you give allowance, much like God gave us Himself in the form of His son. I think my parents gave me 25 cents for dishes and $5 to clean both levels of our house. The difference is seen in the expectations. God freely gives and the outpouring of His provision can neither be contained, nor matched. You are a steward of EVERYTHIING placed in your path, whether that be time, money, or even people. You cannot produce more time in your day, but you allow time for what you desire most.
What if you chose to do this day differently? What if you woke up and decided to allow five minutes to cry every kind of tear? I would struggle to make my deadline. I would cry tears of sadness over the loss of a man I chose to believe in for over 3 1/2 years of my life, who never reached a place to love and lead me well... even while in prison. I'd cry tears of joy over the beauty added to my life as I now step into the stories of kids in our local jails and prisons helping them to see that with God they can scale any wall. And I would smile to know that I have been obedient in everything and it was because of that man that God allowed me to see an open door. Not one word, one letter, one prayer wasted...for in ME God grew gumption giving me the character to commit and complete something I would know by no other avenue. I would cry tears of frustration over relationships, work, debt, an overabundance of uncertainty in life. But then God would drown out all those tears with Himself and His certainty in that very same life. I would begin to cry tears of gratitude that I am beautiful because I know I AM. Being thankful for the cross, undeserving of His love, and overwhelmed by His relentless pursuit...I would cry. What if God changed the order of my tears? Perspective is EVERYTHING.
You make an allowance for what you most desire. What if you allowed time to send an encouraging message over Facebook, or picked up a pen and wrote a friend? What if you allowed time to invest in a child in a far off land who doesn't even speak your language? What if you bought popsicles for your son or daughter to hand out to the neighbor kids as they got off of the bus? What if you purchased a package of waters and fresh grapes for the hard-working men along side our roads? What if you allowed time to visit a man, woman, or child in a local jail or prison just to show them the love of God? What if you allowed time to observe a child's wonder discovering his or her hands? What if you allowed time to educate yourself on something new? What if you allowed time to visit a new restaurant in a town you know nothing about, and sat down with a people you never took the time to notice? What if you asked God to help you accomplish just ONE of these things today? Don't focus on the number of words I wrote but the POSSIBILITIES that lie within. What if you actually lived a life of John 3:30? "He must become GREATER; I must become less."
On the Internet, you will find a plethora of definitions for the word ALLOWANCE. It is a fixed or allotted amount of something. Jesus Christ is my promised manna. I'm sure at times it would appear that He's not enough, either in my words or actions, but at the end of the day, that statement holds true. If you're honest with yourself, the allowance given you isn't always enough in your eyes either. So yes, Jesus will be talked about on this blog, as will my Father in Heaven. In fact, I have always found it much more comfortable to publicly say God, than the name of Jesus. But His name is powerful so I allow myself to take in the awkwardness and loudly live for His name. In life you give allowance, much like God gave us Himself in the form of His son. I think my parents gave me 25 cents for dishes and $5 to clean both levels of our house. The difference is seen in the expectations. God freely gives and the outpouring of His provision can neither be contained, nor matched. You are a steward of EVERYTHIING placed in your path, whether that be time, money, or even people. You cannot produce more time in your day, but you allow time for what you desire most.
What if you chose to do this day differently? What if you woke up and decided to allow five minutes to cry every kind of tear? I would struggle to make my deadline. I would cry tears of sadness over the loss of a man I chose to believe in for over 3 1/2 years of my life, who never reached a place to love and lead me well... even while in prison. I'd cry tears of joy over the beauty added to my life as I now step into the stories of kids in our local jails and prisons helping them to see that with God they can scale any wall. And I would smile to know that I have been obedient in everything and it was because of that man that God allowed me to see an open door. Not one word, one letter, one prayer wasted...for in ME God grew gumption giving me the character to commit and complete something I would know by no other avenue. I would cry tears of frustration over relationships, work, debt, an overabundance of uncertainty in life. But then God would drown out all those tears with Himself and His certainty in that very same life. I would begin to cry tears of gratitude that I am beautiful because I know I AM. Being thankful for the cross, undeserving of His love, and overwhelmed by His relentless pursuit...I would cry. What if God changed the order of my tears? Perspective is EVERYTHING.
You make an allowance for what you most desire. What if you allowed time to send an encouraging message over Facebook, or picked up a pen and wrote a friend? What if you allowed time to invest in a child in a far off land who doesn't even speak your language? What if you bought popsicles for your son or daughter to hand out to the neighbor kids as they got off of the bus? What if you purchased a package of waters and fresh grapes for the hard-working men along side our roads? What if you allowed time to visit a man, woman, or child in a local jail or prison just to show them the love of God? What if you allowed time to observe a child's wonder discovering his or her hands? What if you allowed time to educate yourself on something new? What if you allowed time to visit a new restaurant in a town you know nothing about, and sat down with a people you never took the time to notice? What if you asked God to help you accomplish just ONE of these things today? Don't focus on the number of words I wrote but the POSSIBILITIES that lie within. What if you actually lived a life of John 3:30? "He must become GREATER; I must become less."
Postscript
Ever wondered about the meaning behind P.S. found at the end of a letter? Penned, "postscript," it indicates that perhaps you've forgotten something or you wish for your audience to know one more thing in addition to what has been said. When I write a letter I end it with Ps.27:8 because I want my readers to know that if I failed to point to Him in word or action they are welcome to forget everything I had to say, but if I could say one last thing apart from my letter it would be to SEEK HIS FACE! When I die I want two words written with postscript added. "SHE LOVED Ps.27:8"
"My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face Lord I will seek." ~Psalm 27:8
"My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face Lord I will seek." ~Psalm 27:8
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